


clarity

by axzanier



Category: The Invisible Man (TV 2000)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 20:28:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3460967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axzanier/pseuds/axzanier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darien tries to fix what has been broken...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. never say never

**Author's Note:**

> While part of the Alyx Silver AU it is yet another sideverse story. Sequel to broken.

Title: _clarity_

Author:  A. X. Zanier

Copyright: December 01, 2013

Rating:  PG-13 (Language, violence, mild sexual situations)

Fandom:  _The Invisible Man_

Series: _N/A_

Pairing:  Darien/OFC

Sequel:  Follows _broken_

Summary:  Darien tries to fix what’s broken.

Spoilers:  Probably, does it really matter after all these years?

Disclaimer:  a) The characters and basic story ideas of _The Invisible Man_ are the property of others including, but not limited to Matt Greenberg, Studios USA, Stu Segall Productions and NBC Universal.  Any additional characters or story ideas are mine.  I make no money from this intellectual exercise. b) This is a work of fiction.  Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any opinions or views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of the author and are used for story-telling purposes only.

A/N: each chapter title is also a song title, for the full song list drop me an email.

 

Clarity

 

_never say never_

 

Darien hadn’t really slept once Alyx had left his apartment.  Everything he’d done, they’d done, said and, more importantly, _not_ said running through his mind over and over again.  He could understand her anger, he supposed, he had made every effort to push her to that state, but he had been making amends... or so he’d thought.  Maybe... maybe he’d been kidding himself all along.  Maybe there could be no reconciliation for them, no matter how much he wanted it.

He wanted her, wanted to be with her even after everything, but realized he couldn’t force her to feel the same.  So, what was left to do?

Let it be and watch her walk away?

Not that he had much choice in that; she fully intended on leaving for this new job, and she’d made it quite clear there was nothing he could do that would change her mind.

And that left...

For him to stop being a selfish bastard and focusing on on _his_ wants and needs and instead supporting her and her decisions no matter how much it hurt him personally.

Decision made he had finally been able to fall into a less than restless slumber for a few short hours.

  
~^~^~^~^~

 

The morning dawned bright and gorgeous, no fog burying the city on this day, no it had been a perfect to play hooky and go to the beach, which part of him had been sorely tempted to do.  To run free amongst the waves instead of facing the heartache he knew would be found at the office.

He stood in the doorway, looking at Hobbes who sat typing vigorously at the computer in front of him, probably finishing up some paperwork... unless the boss had given them a new case, of course.

“Hey, have you seen Alyx?”

Hobbes stopped typing instantly, his head snapping up in surprise, clearly he hadn’t heard his partner tromp in and take up position holding up the doorframe.  “No, why?”  His brows knit together as he changed tracks mentally.  “Things not go so hot last night?”

Yeah, Hobbes knew what Darien had planned, hell, if it hadn’t been for Bobby Darien never would have known about this other job she’d been offered and then accepted.  Would never have known that she planned to end his torture of her by escaping away.  Would not have known he’d been about to lose the most important thing in his life through his continued stubbornness and stupidity.

Darien shrugged, not certain how to answer the question.

“She even show?”

Darien nodded. “We talked some, had really hot angry sex, and she left.”

Hobbes nodded tightly.  “I told you it wouldn’t be that easy.”

Darien huffed in discontent.  “Nothing has ever been easy for the two of us.”

Hobbes grunted.  “True enough, but this mess you brought on yourself.”

Darien wanted to be angry at his partner and friend for that comment, but since he had come to the very same conclusion himself over the last few weeks he could do little more than sigh.  He ducked his head. “I know and I need to fix this.”

“She’s leaving, Fawkes.  Moving to DC on some super-secret project that even I can’t find info on and that she won’t tell me about.  She’s committed to this and I doubt she could get out of it even if she wanted to.”  Hobbes got to his feet and walked around the desk eyeing Darien carefully the entire time.  “What do you intend to do?”

“The right thing,” Darien answered, feeling oddly lighter for saying the words out loud.

Hobbes cocked his head to the side.  “And what would that be, exactly?”

Darien shook his head, knowing his response would make no logical sense to his friend.  “Help her.  She leaves in a week and probably has a ton of shit to do.  I want to help.”

Hobbes blinked.  “You want to help her pack?  Are you feeling okay there, Fawkes?”

Darien chuckled softly, realizing just how this must sound.  “Yeah, just fine.  She wants to leave and I can’t make her stay, but I can show that I support her choices...”

“And her,” Hobbes finished, then wagged his finger at his partner.  “Sneaky little shit.  Glad you finally figured it out.”

Darien didn’t bother smiling back; it should never have come to this and he had absolutely no reason to be happy.  “I may not be able to keep her, but this way I won’t _lose_ her.”

Hobbes snorted.  “Like I said, sneaky little shit.”  He walked past Darien and into the hall.  “Well, let’s go help her then.”

Now he did smile, trailing after his partner as they walked the halls, up one floor and to the office Alyx had taken over way back when.

Hobbes swung the door open after a quick knock to find Alyx seated behind her desk with a mound of files piled to either side of her.  Her hair was piled messily atop her head and held in place with a pair of pencils, the Agency computer on with data scrolling past at record speed.  “Kid, what the hell are you doing?”

She sighed and lifted her head, eyes shifting from Bobby to Darien quickly, as if truly surprised to see him there.  “The Official, in his infinite wisdom, has decreed I must deal with all these cases, before I can be permitted to leave.  Not that most of these were my cases,” she finished with a wave and look of irritation.

Hobbes shook his head.  “Fuck him.  Your new job is set, right?”

She nodded.

“Then don’t worry about this,” he gestured at the piles practically burying her, “worry about getting your house in order.”

Alyx sighed.  “Easier said than done, I’m afraid.”

“You have no reason to feel guilty, Alyx.  You made the decision that was right for you.  No need to feel like you have to fix everything before you leave,” Darien told her, truly meaning the words.  “How can we help?”

She laughed though it had more than a touch of bitterness within its depths.  “You want to help?”

Hobbes looked from her to Fawkes and back again.  “Have to say I was a bit surprised myself, but he means it, kid.  Whatever we can do to make this go easier on you, we’ll do it.”

She shook her head.  “I know he means it, that you both mean it, but it’s unnecessary.  I’m perfectly capable of packing up the few belongings I plan to take with me.”  She didn’t snark, didn’t raise her voice, just made the simple statement as if there were nothing between them other than co-workers.

Darien had no idea how to react to that, so turned to his partner for assistance.

“Kid, ever think we’re gonna miss you and want to spend some time with you before you go?”  Hobbes rolled his shoulders and straightened.  The break between Darien and her had put a strain on all of them, with poor Bobby caught in the middle once he’d learned that Alyx had been the break-up-ee as opposed to the break-up-er.  Granted she’d spent as much time as possible working loan jobs just to be away from San Diego and Darien’s nearly obsessive need to screw anything that moved, which even Bobby had gotten annoyed with after a while, but she’d always come home.  And now... now she was leaving for... He wouldn’t call it good as her being away from him could _never_ be good, but it would be forever... maybe.

She had said they’d talk more, maybe it would be enough to persuade her that he meant his renewed commitment to her... to them.  This... this backing her decision was simply the very tiny first step.

“Bobby, I was never leaving you,” she stated, looking up at Darien in clear defiance.

“Duh, I know that, but we haven’t really worked together in months.  I want my chance to say goodbye too,” Hobbes responded, a pleading tone sneaking into his voice to prove it was her friend who said the words and not just her co-worker.

“But I’m sure you have work...”

“ ‘Fish can wait, you can’t,” Darien stated, more than willing to blow off the nonexistent work they currently had.  Besides, if they could manage to change her mind the Official would be one happy camper.  Not give a raise happy, but yell a little less happy, for a while anyway.  “So, what say we blow this pop stand, grab some beer and pizza and have a packing party at your place?”

She stared at both men for several long tense seconds, changed her focus to the mounds of useless paperwork before her then shrugged.  “What the hell.  Not like I really want to do any of this.”  She got to her feet, grabbed her bag and jacket and headed towards the door.  “But I pick the beer and pizza.”

“You buy you pick,” Hobbes countered with as he turned to follow her.

“Of course,” she told them, glancing back over her shoulder at them.  “Well, come on, before the Official finds something for you to do.”

Darien chuckled and did as she suggested.  If nothing else she had great taste in both beer and pizza.

 


	2. all we are

He'd bought a plane ticket to Philadelphia just so that he could go to her gate and spend as much time with her as possible. It cost almost four hundred dollars and had been worth every penny. Given the over the top security restrictions he'd damn near gotten pulled aside by the TSA simply because he was "travelling" without so much as a carry on, a flash of their badges, however, and a quick side conversation got the gung ho idiots to back down and allow Darien by to spend a just a few more minutes with his friend.

Friend. So not the word he wanted to label their relationship with, but the only one he would permit himself at the moment. Yeah, they'd had incredible sex just this morning, but it had most certainly been a good-bye fuck on her part. Her plans had never wavered and he and Hobbes had spent a fair part of the week helping her pack and arrange shipment for those things she would not do without. Not that there was much, she'd left most everything behind including all the furniture, her new place in DC already kit out with the works.

She pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and handed them to him.

"Um, aren't these your apartment keys?" he asked as he gingerly took them from her.

"Your apartment," she told him quietly, turning away to stare out the window and the lovely view of airfield tarmac.

"Alyx, I can't do that-"

"Yes, you can. I own the place and have no plans to sell right now. It's yours for the duration."

He slid the keys between his fingers, the keyring simple and understated, just like her. "Baby, I... I don't know what to say," he told her, ducking his head down in embarrassment. He had hoped to move in with her, once she'd said yes to his marriage proposal, instead they'd gone their separate ways for over six months. So, why... why did he want to practically crumple in tears at the thought of moving in alone? Maybe it was the alone part that bothered him. Maybe it was simply the thoughtfulness of a friend, who knew he would miss her terribly until they, hopefully, had the chance to get together again.

Sadly, she was moving on, while he was holding on. He shouldn't, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"Darien, yes, I'm moving away, but I'm not moving on... not from us, anyway." She shook her head and turned to give him a tiny smile. "I told you we would stay in contact. I can make that a promise if you wish."

He reached out and set a hand on her arm. "No, I won't have you make promises you might not be able to keep." He waggled the keys at her. "Thanks for this, I might never have left that rat trap of mine otherwise."

She chuckled. "Yes, you would have, besides I do have ulterior motives here. I'd prefer a familiar place to crash on those occasions I'm in town."

While he'd been hoping she'd want to see him should she happen to visit San Diego, he certainly didn't expect it. Especially not after everything he had put her through. "Alyx, I'm not stupid. Whatever you are going to be doing is going to keep you busy and the last thing on your mind should be me."

She smiled brightly then leaned over to kiss him. "You are never the last thing on my mind, and believe me even at the height of your... displeasure with me I tried very hard to block you out, but I have no control over it and you, most certainly, made every effort to use it to your advantage."

Darien found it so very hard to believe that she had forgiven him so easily. She had the ability to hold onto a grudge for a very long time and had. And yet... yet in less than a week she'd gone from frightfully angry to completely calm and understanding. It made no logical sense. Hell, it made no emotional sense.

"Alyx, you don't have to pretend just to make this easier on me. You have every right to still feel hurt and angry." He turned away, taking a few moments to watch the other travelers milling nearby, all of them waiting to be someplace else, someplace that wasn't here. "It might be for the best that you're leaving; it'll give you a chance to really forgive me."

She sighed, one hand coming up to rub her forehead. "D, I'm not pretending... precisely, but, you are right, forgiving doesn't come easy for me and... and I'm going to be even more gun shy than before when it comes to us."

He nodded, knowing this was the truth finally. Not that she'd been lying, per se, but she'd been carefully crafting her emotional response to him since that night when he'd finally screwed up the courage to actually apologize to her. "Alyx I'm sorry... and I know those lame-ass words will never be enough to make up for the last six months, but I want... need to try." He cautiously met her eyes, feeling that sharp tug on his chest that happened just to remind him that he was still head over heels crazy in love with the woman before him.

She shifted and leaned forward, her head coming to rest on his shoulder even as he curled a hand up about the back of her neck, the comfort needed even as it again reminded him of how much he had lost by walking away from her.

"I hurt, Darien, and it's not easy for me to let go, but I'm gonna try. I never didn't want to be with you, but you were  _so angry_  I had to get away, being here, so close to your pain just twisted me up too damn much." Words she hadn't managed to say to him in the last week. Her sole long-term relationship - marriage to Jess - had been horribly damaging to her, and he had known that, yet he, like the fool he was, had simply added to it. Which meant it would be even harder for her to let it go for she now knew exactly how badly he could hurt her and that he was more than willing to do so should he have reason enough to. "And then you go and decide to change the rules again." She sat up, meeting his eyes with pain and confusion buried in hers. "I damn near got whiplash with how quickly the hate turned back into... into..."

"Love," Darien finished, still not quite understanding her unwillingness to use that particular all-important word. "I guess there really is a very fine line between the two."

She laughed softly, even though it really wasn't funny at all.

"It's not too little too late is it?" he questioned needing to know the answer before he spent the next several months pining away without her.

She shook her head. "No, it's not, but I've committed to this transfer and... and it will get me one step closer to the influence I really need to-" Her mouth snapped shut as if she had suddenly realized she had nearly spilled the beans, though on what he had no idea.

"You have plans and the Agency was holding you back." Obvious in retrospect, but not something he'd ever wondered about when they had been together. "And once I started being an idiot there was no real reason for you to stay."

She turned her head away for a long moment before responding. "Yes."

The cogs began turning in his brain as realization sank in.  _He_  had been the reason she'd chosen to remain in San Diego when given the option to return to her family. She hadn't stayed because of the deal with the Official to protect her kids, or some visceral need to use her abilities for the greater good, no she'd stayed because she wanted to be with him and just a couple short months later he'd thrown that back in her face and all because he couldn't understand why she wouldn't marry him.

Ye gods he had to be the greatest fool on the planet. "So what now? I mean I can get with the friends with benefits program, but that's not what I want and it's not what you need."

"D, so long as you are happy and not so viciously angry with me I'll be fine. And that includes you finding someone else, be it short term or permanent."

That hadn't been his intent, but between the 'Fish sending him on seduction jobs and the preference for having sex on a regular basis, would probably be inevitable. He would be cranky and miserable celibate. "Were you... did you have a relationship while we were..." He trailed off not really certain he wanted to know the answer.

Alyx had clearly decided to no longer pull her punches when it came to them and reality. "No, no relationships, but did I have sex? When needed to complete the job, yes. Did I enjoy it? Usually. Was it anything like when we're together? Oh hell no. I'd've been locked in a cage more than once had my gifts become known to these guys. You, dearheart, are the only one I have no control with."

He did his best to hide the grin that wanted to spread across his face. She had told him that before, but he still found it hard to believe, and, granted, it made sex with her incredible and what he craved even when in the midst of the act with another. While the sex had often been good, it had never been the same and he had always known it never would be. Alyx had been right, no matter who else he slept with he'd always wanted it to be her.

Fine line between love and hate, indeed.

He scratched the back of his head, not certain where this left  _them_. "So what does that make us? Are we... are we still broken?" As soon as he asked the question he knew the answer, they very much were, but the effort to mend had begun. One day they would not be quite so broken, and on another they would have healed this particular rift and moved on, just as life often did. He could only hope they'd would be moving on together.

The wan smile answered his question even before she spoke. "Yeah, we are, but at least we have the chance to get better."

"But how with you leaving?"

She shrugged. "We'll have to figure that out, I suppose." When he pouted, brow furrowing in his confusion and unhappiness she added, "D, this job I'm taking is a minimum of a two year commitment and will probably take longer and, yes, it's a big deal and something I  _want_  to do, though not just to get away from here. There are several overriding reasons I took this position."

"But you won't tell me what it is?"

" 'Cause I'm under direct orders not to." She knuckled one eye. "I tell you, you tell someone, they tell someone else and it screws everything up."

"What? Is this some internal affairs thing?"

She quirked an eyebrow as her response.

"Oh...  _Oh_ ," he said as he got what she couldn't say. "And you think the Agency could come under investigation?"

She pointedly did not say anything and that was answer enough.

"Okay, my lips will stay zipped, just... just give me a heads up if me and Hobbesy should run for the hills, please?"

She nodded. "That I can do, though if it does come to that take Claire on vacation with you, understood?"

Oh, yeah, he understood. If they had to run it would be for the hills, probably literally, and since the gland would most likely still be in his head, having the good Keeper along would be not only wise, but necessary. A red or silver-eyed madman on the loose would give the game away quickly no matter how far from the Agency they ran. And it wasn't like the Agency would be the only party interested in acquiring him and the tech in his head. "Will it come to that?"

She shrugged. "I have no idea, this... investigation is in the early stages yet, we have no clue where the tangled lines will lead."

"And you volunteered for this?"

She nodded. "I think some of the mess will tie back to the agency my... Jess worked for."

_Ah._  Now that made sense. While lots of people, companies, agencies wanted a piece of her, only that mystery agency her husband had worked for claimed to  _own_  her, lock, stock and genetic material. If she could put them out of business, she and her kids would be lots safer. "If you need anything, and I mean  _anything_ , I want you to call. Hell, I'll be your Agency spy if that what it takes for you to resolve this... this... whatever it is successfully."

She grinned at him. "Thank you. I-"

Her words were interrupted by the announcement for boarding for her flight.

"And that is your cue to go," he said as he got to his feet and held out an unneeded hand to help her stand.

She took that help and smiled up at him, hands now twined together. "I'll call once I'm settled."

He shook his head. "You don't need to, I'm a big boy, I'll manage."

She patted his cheek. "I am aware. Maybe I just want to hear your voice."

He laughed softly, then leaned down to kiss her. "I am going to miss you very much, but I understand why you need to leave. Just... just take care of yourself so's I don't have to fly across country to save your ass."

"I'll do my best," she told him, eyes sparking in merriment. "Come on, you can deliver me to my ride."

He did, walking with her over to the line of passengers all gathering to enter the tunnel and the plane that waited at the far end. Alyx went straight to the front, others frowning until she produced the first class ticket from her bag. She stole one last kiss and with a pat on his arm walked away without a backward glance.

Darien stepped aside, allowing the other passengers to board and walked over to the nearest window with a view of the aircraft. There he waited, watched as the tunnel pulled back, the plane taxi away, and eventually launch itself into the sky.

Still, it was quite some time before he turned away to head for his sure to feel emptier than usual apartment.

 


	3. different

The phone rang, dragging him up out a slumber he had only recently achieved thanks to a late night jaunt, a work-related jaunt admittedly, but one that had to be completed during the wee hours of the morning to insure success, which had been had. Hobbes more than satisfied with results of their mission. To the point he'd told Fawkes to sleep in and that he'd turn the files, all on one jump drive, over to the Official bright and early.

So the phone ringing caused more than a little irritation to be in his voice when he finally chose to answer.

"What?" he growled, certain it had to be Hobbes calling him.

" _Well, hello to you too,"_ said a soft voice, a very familiar voice, and one he hadn't been expecting to hear.

"Alyx?" He rolled over and opened one eye to glare at the clock mounted in the headboard of the huge bed. Yeah, he'd taken her up on her offer and now lived in her former apartment.

" _Yes, late night?"_

"Darlin', it's  _still_  night here." Okay, so early morning if you wanted to get picky, but false dawn remained some time away.

" _Crap. Sorry, forgot to take the time difference into account, it's mid-morning here. I'll call back later."_

He woke up at those words. "No need, sweets, you I don't mind waking me up. Where the hell are you?" It would be just about dawn on the east coast, so if it were mid-morning she must been somewhere in Europe.

She laughed. " _That, my dear, is need to know. I was hoping to stop by, I'll be in your end of the planet for a few days._ "

He had to be amused by her phrasing and her subtle way of saying her current job required around the world travel, which meant not the FBI or any other homebound agency. Maybe CIA or NSA, or even some new special agency/task force cobbled together just for this investigation. He hadn't asked, no matter how much he wanted to, and she hadn't told. "I've told you before, you can stop by anytime you like."

She laughed, and it sent a thrill through him. She was coming to town and he would get to see her in person for the first time in months. The best they'd managed prior to this had been a couple video chats, other than that texts had been their main form of communication, which, while better than nothing, remained far from enough. And while he'd taken her openness to pursue other relationships to heart, he'd not found anyone he had been even marginally interested in. So, yeah, he'd been on a few dates, had some fun at bars he liked to hang out at, but hadn't taken home anyone. He doubted he would have even if he'd been desperately horny as he had decided to not do anything to hurt Alyx ever again, and no matter what she said, if he had a dalliance other than for work, she would know and it would  _hurt_  her. He wanted her back and would make every effort to not screw it up.

" _I'll call when I get in, we'll go to dinner. My treat._ "

"We'll order in, my treat." Yes, nothing more than an excuse to have her alone with him and the hoped for opportunity for wild, sweat-drenched sex. "Can... can I let Hobbesy know you'll be in town?"

" _Certainly, I plan on taking him to lunch as well."_  She chuckled softly. " _This is a personal trip not business. Even I deserve a day off now and then."_

"Yes, you do." He yawned then, the sound surely transmitting across the distance. "Sorry."

" _No need to be, bub, I was the idiot who failed to add up time zones correctly. Get some sleep, with me on a different clock I'll be keeping you up well past even your bedtime once I'm there."_

He laughed. "I hope so. See you soon."

" _You will,_ " she assured him, then hung up at her end.

He sighed and set his phone back down on the headboard the blue numbers on the clock telling him a mere five minutes had passed. Five minutes that had changed his plans for the rest of the week.

With a smile on his face he shifted until comfortable and allowed his weary body to fall back into slumber where the dreams were sure to be most pleasant.

 

~^~

 

He lay there panting, staring blindly at the wooden canopy above him, trying to not allow the Quicksilver to flow anymore than it already had. It wasn't like he'd have access to Counteragent until the morning and Claire would surely question the need, not that she wasn't permitted to know Alyx was in town, Darien just didn't want to have to explain it was due to the sex being that mind-blowingly good.

"Damn, girl, where did you learn that?"

She laughed, still sitting astride him, cocked her head to the side and said, "A brothel in Italy." She leaned forward and patted him on the cheek. " 'Sides you weren't so bad yourself."

He growled softly, grasping her hand and tugging until their faces were mere inches apart. Raising his head the short distance he kissed her, causing her to sigh softly. "I was awesome," he informed her when he pulled back, tucking both hands behind his head and gazing up at her smugly.

"Eh, I've had better," she replied as she sat back up.

"Alyx," he laughed, certain that the better was him, "you so have not."

She shrugged a hint of a grin on her lips.

This caused Darien's confidence, what little there was of it, to slip away like water down a drain. Just because he hadn't been seeing anyone else didn't mean she hadn't. This had always been an issue between them, even if she did not realize it. She... she was too good for him, better than him in so many ways and deserving of someone far better than he could ever hope to be, and he had tried, tried so hard to be better, to be a man worthy of her and still he failed time and time again. Maybe... maybe it was time to let her go, no matter how much he did not want to. No matter how much it would hurt him. He would simply hold her back.

He swallowed hard, the smile long gone from his lips, as he turned away from her, not wanting to admit aloud the realization he'd just come to. This time, however, he would be walking away for all the right reasons.

"D?" she questioned, the humor in her voice having turned to confusion. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, really."

She poked him on the forehead, her nail bit in hard enough to actually hurt. "Liar." The she leaned down to kiss the spot, her lips lingering for a long moment, causing him to sigh softly. "Why is this so hard for you?" she whispered, her words echoing in his mind, curling up inside with a feeling of comfort and concern.

He wished he knew how to answer that. How do you tell someone you want to break up with them so they would have the chance to truly be happy. Shit. She would understand since this was how she had treated him and their relationship from day one. But she had conditions: if it would make him happy.

And he would be forced to reluctantly admit that he  _would not_. However, this would be for her benefit and not his. So, would she be happy should he walk away? He had to admit that he didn't know that answer to that particular question and was more than a touch fearful to ask, and not solely because he could lose her... and not just for a few months, but forever.

After everything they'd been through he'd made every effort to be straight with her about everything. Well, everything that wasn't need-to-know work related. The truth, what little of their lives actually existed in that fairy tale realm, had become of the utmost importance to him.

"I... I want you to be happy, I'm just not certain it can be with me," he whispered hoarsely. Man, that had been hard to admit, but it needed to be done. She needed the opportunity to walk away without feeling guilty. Heart lodged firmly in his throat he waited for her to say something... anything.

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked sounding as confused as she looked.

He sighed and shook his head. "No, I'm letting you go. That's not the same."

"Letting me..." She rolled away ending up on the far side of the bed on her back, staring up at the canopy with it's celtic designs, that he'd had painted once the bed had become his, blues and greens and yellows to contrast with the dark-stained wood. "Do you want me to... go?"

There was something in her voice, a tightness, a rawness, a deep pain that she feared sharing and he knew that he had put it there. But this time his intention wasn't to hurt her, but free her, to allow her the opportunity to be everything she could be without having to worry about the albatross hanging about her neck that he believed he had become.

He rolled onto his side and reached out to her, knuckles rubbing along her cheek. "No, I don't, but that doesn't mean I should hold you back."

"Hold me back? In what way are you holding me back?"

He closed his eyes for a long moment. "You've got this new job, a chance to be with your kids again, hell, working with your brother and I just keep dragging you back here, the place you wanted to get away from.

"I came of my own free will and intend to do so again... Intended to anyway, I'm guessing you'd prefer if I didn't." He could feel that it took an act of will for her to not pull away. Her control had improved so much that if he hadn't been touching her he would have had no clue about how hurt and rejected she felt.

He grasped one of her hands and pulled it up to his lips to kiss her fingers gently. "I am not rejecting you, I love you, but loving someone means doing the right thing... no matter how much it hurts." He kissed the back of her hand, wishing he never had to stop. "You taught me that."

"Looks like I need to teach you the proper time to use that lesson," she grumbled, clearly unhappy. "What's the real reason, Darien? You've been waiting impatiently for me to come visit and now you're telling me to never come back again? What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, I swear it."

"Then why?"

For an instant he was tempted to leave her stranded at sea, not able to understand and unable to comprehend why they were falling apart from each other - just as he had felt when she had refused to marry him. But the instant passed and he sighed heavily, one hand rubbing his face as he tried to put the confused emotions into coherent words. "Because..." He turned away, staring out across into the inky darkness of the room. "Because you deserve better." He shut his eyes then, wanting nothing more than to remember how she looked right now since once this conversation was over he would no longer have her as his own. "Better than a thief and a con-man who is too stupid to realize the truth before someone gets hurt." He felt her fingers on his jaw, allowed her to turn his head and opened his eyes to meet hers. "That's why."

"Don't you think I can decide what I  _deserve_?" she questioned, her tone as serious as her look.

"It's not that, it's... it's more that I basically forced you into this relationship, one that you never really wanted. And... and I know you can do better," he finished, getting the words out as fast as he could to prevent her from interrupting.

She sighed heavily, her touch revealing the conflicted emotions rolling through her; part of her wanting to berate him for being an idiot, part of her wanting to growl and stalk away in frustration, part wanting to pull him close and hold on tight, but none of her agreed with his words. She did not believe she could do better and that... that was the crux of the problem. He could see it where she could not.

"You think you're not good enough for me? Me? Who, if you want to get nitpicky, is an adulterer and walked away from her children as if they meant nothing to her. In some people's opinion's that's worse than being a thief."

"Alyx-"

She shook her head silencing him. "You truly believe you are not worthy of me."

A statement and not a question, but he nodded in agreement anyway. "Then change that."

He blinked. "Uh, what?"

She smiled, the corners of her lips curling up every so slightly. "How would you feel worthy of me?"

What a question. And more, one he'd never thought to ask himself. "I... I don't know."

"Silly," she said, one finger tapping him on the nose. "Yet you think I deserve someone better. Why can't you be that person?"

"Uh, because I'm not?" He had no clue where she was going with this, but he could safely say he was heading towards the land of deeply confused.

"Not now, obviously, but you could be... if you wanted to." She shook her head at his blank look. "Please keep in mind that this is your issue not mine, and maybe if you can't see the answer it could be because you really do not want to be in this relationship. Not sewn enough wild oats, yet?"

"What? No? I want to be with you, I... I just don't think-"

She laughed bitterly. "Clearly not." She rolled away, sitting up on the edge of the bed, looking about for her clothes, which were strewn across the apartment floor, not a single stitch anywhere near the bed. She tugged the top sheet loose and wrapped it about herself as she stood. "Do you really hate me this much?" she asked at a bare whisper.

He reached for her, but she adroitly stepped away, leaving his hand to hang in the air for a long moment before he let it drop onto the bed. "I don't hate you and I am not angry with you and you did nothing wrong other than give me another chance I don't deserve."

"Then why did you practically beg me for it?" she snapped, frustration evident in her tone and the tense muscles of her back. She hadn't moved more than a few steps out of reach, close enough for him to see, but not to touch. An intentional move on her part, he was certain, but a good one. It forced him to make a decision, go after her or let her go. The right thing to do would be to let her go, but what he wanted, what he  _needed_  was her, so he threw off the remaining covers and moved quickly to her, setting a single hand upon her back. He didn't say a word, the muscles trembling beneath his palm.

"Because I also can't let you go," he finally told her. "I've never been good at doing the right thing," he groused, more at himself than anything, though it was true enough.

"Yet, you still don't feel you are good enough to be with me?" she asked, voice tight.

He could feel she wanted to step away, but his hand still upon her kept her from moving. "We're still broken, remember? Just in more ways than one I suppose. Don't you ever have second... third thoughts about... us?"

She shook her head. "No. Once I committed to us there was no going back."

He hadn't realized that. He'd walked away and she had still hung on, hoping for the day he'd stop being a royal fuck up. "You are too good for me."

She growled softly and spun about. "So change that."

"How?" he asked, not wanting to rehash the same argument again.

She turned about, one hand coming up to rub her forehead, the other holding the sheet firmly in place, while he stood there naked and, now, slightly uncomfortable at that fact. "We jumped into this both times. Maybe... maybe we just need to take a step back."

Finally, she agreed with him. "How far back?"

"You think you're not good enough for me? Prove to yourself you are."

Uh... Now that had not been part of the plan, especially for a plan as unformed as this one had been. "So, what? We date or something?"

She nodded. "If that's what you would like."

He shook his head and stepped away, not certain he understood what she meant. He didn't want to give her up, she didn't want him to let her go even though it would be the smart... the right thing to do for her, but she wanted to step back? Wasn't that the same thing as dumping him, but being more polite about it? "Kinda hard to date when we're a couple thousand miles apart, ain't it?"

She shrugged. "You're the one having issues with us, not me." She cocked her head to the side. "When you were with Casey, did you date or jump right into bed?"

Darien tried to hide the twitch but failed miserably based on the look on her face. "We dated for months before we... we slept together." No reason to be embarrassed about it, Alyx might not know all the details, but she wasn't a fool, she knew he had loved Casey and if things had gone differently might still have been with her today, which would have made this entire conversation moot, but her point had been made.

Casey had no clue who he really was. In fact, he'd made every effort to hide it from her, which was part of the reason why they had dated so long before falling into bed. And when she had discovered the truth, she had walked away, not able to accept him for who he truly was. Yeah, he had lied about parts of his life, but he had never lied about how he'd felt about her. He had loved Casey, still loved her in some ways, but those feelings had been overshadowed by Alyx and her complete and total capture of his heart and soul.

He had never really felt worthy of Casey because of his lies and deceptions, so why did he feel the same for Alyx who had always known the truth? She was right, the issue was all his, as she had never had a problem with who or what he was. She took the good and the bad and just accepted it, accepted him and for all that he appreciated it, he still found it difficult to comprehend.

"So, didn't we... kinda."

"Emphasis on kinda. We also didn't exactly date. We got thrown together and... and you wanted me from the first moment." She gave him a wan smile. "Even though you were more than a touched freaked at falling for someone you thought was a child."

Darien felt heat rise to his cheeks. He hadn't realized until this moment that she knew that. He'd never told her, but given her control had been shaky at best and downright nonexistent at worst, it was little wonder that she knew the truth, more that she had kept it to herself all this time. "Wasn't like I believed in love at first sight."

"Wasn't like you wanted to be in love, not so soon after Casey."

"True 'nuff." This turn in their discussion did nothing to solve the problem at hand. It caused more, truth be told, as it made him aware that she had known for a very long time how he felt about her. Yeah, he'd denied it, tried to convince himself that it couldn't be possible, that he had not fallen for this child-like woman after one look into her eyes, and yet... yet that is exactly what had happened, and his denials, no matter how justified, would change nothing.

The heart wanted what the heart wanted. And after a time far more than his heart had been attracted to her.

And the further he fell, the harder she had tried to push him away until she'd been sent away, then and only then had she given in and finally admitted that she cared about him. The one time they had tried to date, he had fucked it up by being an overbearing jealous bear and damn near screwing up the case they had been working on.

After surviving a misogynistic, abusive husband it was little wonder she'd wanted no part of dealing with his jealousy issues and had taken the step back then. He had made every effort to curb those tendencies, but hadn't always succeeded. And the opposite hadn't worked either; sleeping with all those women hadn't caused any reaction beyond her wanting to be as far away as possible from him and his trysts.

"Darien, I'm not trying to make you do anything here. I am content with the way things stand now. It's not optimal, but until this job is complete we can't do much else." She sat down on the sofa and looked up at him, standing there naked and probably looking confused and uncertain.

No, it definitely wasn't optimal, but it was all they had. "Why can't I let you go?" he asked of the air about him.

"Probably for the same reason I am unable to do the same. Too bad we both have this deep-seated fear of being hurt. I wouldn't leave because of it and you still fear I will. Do you really think they all left because you did something wrong?"

Christ, that question hit far too close to the mark and left him feeling far more naked and vulnerable than he already was. "What else could it be? It wasn't because I didn't love them enough." He hadn't planned on responding, but the words slipped out before he could prevent them.

"Ah, D, I'm so sorry. I thought that if I left, you would hurt less. I never intended to cause you more pain."

He hadn't thought she had noticed. She had gone blithely about her business and kept her nose far out of his. Understandable, given he had appeared to want nothing to do with her and had used the mental connection between them to cause her as much pain and discomfort as possible.

But they knew all this and discussing the past to death did nothing to get them to their future. He went to her, cupping her chin with his fingers. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I fucked us up and... and apparently it's not going to be easy putting this Humpty back together again." He gave her a tiny smile, which she returned. "Maybe a step back is the right way to go. We need to learn who we are again. Need a chance to let go of the hurt we both still feel."

She nodded. "Okay." Then she got to her feet, went on her tiptoes to kiss him then stepped away, walking about the room to gather up her clothes, which she took into the bathroom with her.

Feeling like an idiot standing there naked in front of his floor to ceiling windows, he went hunting for, found, and pulled on his pants, not having a clue what would be happening next.

Next was her coming out of the bathroom fully dressed, sans shoes to head straight for her suitcase.

"Alyx?" He knew he sounded pitiful and confused, but it had not been his intent to chase her away. He still needed her.

"I'm checking into a hotel," she told him. "If this is going to work, we need to put space between us. We're good at the sex, but we need to work on  _us_."

Sadly, she wasn't wrong. The sex was beyond amazing, but  _them_  still remained cracked and broken. "Can we still see each other?"

"Of course," she assured him. "I'll let you know where I'm staying and you can take me to dinner."

"A date?"

She laughed. "Seems to be the place to start. You know, like normal people?" She moved closer to him, one hand coming to rest on his forearm. "I'm not giving up and I'm not running away, just changing the perspective, no more no less."

Her touch allowed him to feel that she meant every word, and that she had her own misgivings about leaving, but it was also clear that she intended to. "Alyx, I get it and it's worth a try, 'cause I won't lose you, even if I am being an idiot trying to push you away. I had... have the best of intentions."

She sighed softly. "I know you do, but letting me go won't make me happy, just to put that out there."

"Being with me isn't doing it either," he pointed out, certain it was the truth.

"It's still better than being without you. It's difficult to forgive when you can't forget," she told him, voice soft. She didn't want to hold onto the hurt and pain, but she had no real way to let it go either. Best they could hope for would be to dull the pain of those old memories with new ones, new good ones, but it was turning out to be harder than he had anticipated.

He cupped her face in his hands, burying his fingers in the bright coils of hair. "I love you, Alyx," he told her in no uncertain terms and then kissed her, making every effort to put all he felt into the kiss so that she would hopefully believe him this time.

He pulled away first, to rest his forehead against hers. "I know you do, bub. That has never been the issue." She kissed him on the cheek and stepped back. "I'll call you."

And with that she slid open the door and left.

 


	4. hopeless

"What the hell is going on, Hobbes?" Darien grouched as he dragged his still sleeping body up the stairs in the pre-dawn darkness.

"Nothing good, that's for frickin' sure," Hobbes grouched, not looking too thrilled about the situation either. "Eberts called and told me to get you and get the two of us down here soonest. That's _all_  I know."

"Great, just great. This could be about anything," Darien grumbled rubbing the back of his head. He'd only been asleep for a couple of hours when Bobby had shown up at his door to drag him out of bed. The two of them had wrapped a case late in the afternoon and had gone out for a couple of job well done drinks after, nothing unusual, and nothing exciting. He'd been hoping for a call from Alyx, but had settled for an email instead. She'd been busy, bouncing from place to place for the last several months as she followed one particularly twisted and tangled trail. She'd not been able to elaborate, which he understood. Just one wrong word by him at the wrong time could threaten not just her but her entire team.

"Or nothing. Things have been going well lately, could be the boss just yanking our chains," Hobbes suggested, the idea not as far fetched as one might think. Since Alyx had left, power had shifted dramatically at the Agency. The Official trying to shorten Darien's leash by no longer permitting use of the inhibitor, but, thankfully, Claire had nixed that idea citing the risk of permanently losing their only invisible agent that much sooner if he should develop a tolerance to the Counteragent.

They could hear raised voices in the office as they neared the door and that worried Darien, because the Official only got his dander up when things had gone truly sideways. He and Hobbes glanced at each other before his partner reached for the doorknob and, with some trepidation, opened the door.

The sounds from within cut off instantly, which didn't surprise Darien all that much, the three new suits within did, especially since one of whom was Michael, Alyx's brother.

He knew they were working together on this big IA project but she had not given him any details, just the promise of a warning should the shit be about to hit the fan at the Agency. A warning that had not happened, so either she knew nothing about this visit or things did not look as bad as it appeared.

Then again, based on the flushed angry look on the Official's face, the situation was most certainly not all hearts and flowers. Something serious was going down, serious enough to drag the top two agents in before false dawn had become even a thought in the sky. Eberts stood ramrod straight in his usual spot, while their Boss stormed about in front of the desk, the bluster just that, Darien suspected. Of course, whatever he'd been ranting about cut short when they stepped into the room and his focus swung to them.

"Good of you to finally join us," he snapped, the sarcasm dripping off the words. "We have a situation."

Darien shrugged. "Kinda figured that given the early morning rousting. What's up?" His eyes traveled from his overweight boss around the room, past two agents he did not know and that had probably come with Mike - Agent Corvan he corrected reminded himself, not likely the man was here on a personal visit - to meet the eyes of an exhausted looking Claire standing in the far corner, looking for all the world like one of her lab rats who had found itself trapped in a dead end of a maze, to meet the eyes of the obvious agent in charge of this mysterious situation. Mike gave him a nod then returned his focus to the Official.

"You okay, Keep?" Hobbes asked when he spotted her trying to be unobtrusive and all but hiding from the visiting agents.

"Not particularly, but not injured either," she answered, her glares aimed at both the Official and Mike, which Darien found quite interesting.

"What is going on, Corvan?" Darien kept his tone neutral, not wanting to influence the response in a specific direction.

"He claims we have a mole in the Agency," Eberts stated, the hint of disdain audible in his tone.

"And?" Hobbes commented as he walked over to Claire and encouraged her out of the corner she'd backed into and to a seat at the conference table.

"You don't seem surprised," Corvan said, words aimed at Hobbes, but his focus clearly on Darien, which would have been disconcerting if he hadn't had inside info on the big picture.

Hobbes snorted as he took of a protective stance behind the good Keeper. "We're a spy agency, of course we have moles. Who they report to is the issue."

That got Mike's dour countenance to crack the tiniest of bits. "A valid point." He turned to the Official who had paused his pacing to lean back on his desk. "Wouldn't you agree?"

The Official growled softly. "But you have no proof."

"We have enough to know the information leaked came from this building and are certain the access to said information is restricted. The general information is known, but not the details that have been discovered... elsewhere. So unless you've been sharing your toys..."

The Official shook his head. "No. But there are those outside this agency who have been granted full disclosure." The implication, of course, that they were the leak and simply made it look as if the data came from here.

Mike shook his head. "The information was followed back to here."

Eberts twitched. "Not possible. Too many data streams to wade through for a trace of that type to ever hope to be accurate."

The corners of Mike's lips turned up ever so slightly. "Very possible, with the right... equipment."

That tiny pause gave the game away to Darien. There may have been computers involved, but the trace itself had been done a by a human, one who could send her mind into the vastness of the web and move freely within. Alyx had done the trace, and it had led her right back to San Diego and the Agency. "Who is it? You either think it's one of us or none of us, else you wouldn't have us here at this ungodly hour."

Mike tried to look serious, but Darien could tell he was amused by Darien's seemingly careless attitude. "That is a good question. While we can trace a particular computer IP, that does not necessarily implicate the person to whom the computer belongs." He turned his head ever so slightly to focus on Claire who blanched.

Hobbes shifted, rolling his shoulders and coming to his full height. "It ain't the Keep."

Mike shrugged. "I haven't said it is, yet several of the packages were sent directly from her computer in Lab 101."

The Official harrumphed. "Not possible. The system with the information in question is not connected to any outside line."

"We are aware," Mike stated, bland look on his face never wavering. "It is still where the information came from."

"If the trail leads back to there, then it's not a secure as you thought," Darien pointed out, earning a glare from his boss for his trouble. "Sorry, but an ethernet cable isn't the only way in. If it's the Keep system, then it's connected to the main servers, which does have outside connections."

"The Keep system only talks to the main at certain times as backup storage, those files are  _not_  accessible as they are locked. Without the password, which is random and changed hourly, not even I can get in," Eberts insisted, sounding too smug for the situation.

"Unless someone altered the programming," Hobbes said in a soft voice. He cocked his head as he eyed Eberts warily. "A virus, trojan, worm program with a just a couple lines of code could give access not only to the locked files on the server, but through it directly to the Keep system." He rubbed the top of his head and sighed in irritation. "Hell, it could be rigged to automatically send info every time that back-up connection opens. Look just like Claire were sending top secret info and she wouldn't even know it."

Mike turned his head ot the agent to his right and nodded. The man quickly left the room, most likely to go check the Agency systems for malware that could pull off a trick like that.

Eberts shook his head. "Not possible, the entire system, including all desktops and the Keep's computers are checked regularly. Any malware would have been detected and removed."

"Even if it had been integrated into the existing software?" Hobbes questioned.

"That would require someone with detailed and intimate knowledge of the system and how it works," Eberts sneered.

"No it wouldn't," Claire argued. "It would simply require someone able to follow directions and access to a system associated with the main. The program could have even been snuck in via a seemingly harmless internet connection."

Eberts looked ready to spit nails at having his expertise argued with. Granted he had been the resident geek here at the Agency... until Alyx had shown up. She had a natural affinity for computers that blew Eberts' skills right out of the water, much to the top lackey's dismay and disgruntlement.

"So, what you are saying, Eberts, is that  _you_  are the only one who could have planted the malware? Is that it?" Darien saw the look of utter disdain and anger flit across Eberts' face as he turned to glare at Darien, but it was swiftly swallowed by the man's usual blank stare. Could it be possible? Could Eberts be the mole? Sweet, shy, bookish Eberts? Who had a crush on Alyx from almost day one?

"Of course not," Eberts backpedaled quickly. "Just someone with my level of skill and familiarity with the programming. Miss Silver could have easily done it, for example."

_Oooo, nice deflection,_  Darien thought, seeing it for what it was. "Except the information stolen was hers, right?" They hadn't been told, but it was pretty obvious even to him, that this was all about her. Given she was chasing her husband's employers it only made sense.

"That would be correct," Mike answered, his eyes never leaving Eberts as if his suspicions agreed with Darien's own, no matter how little sense they made.

"Do you know where the information went?" The Official asked, almost as if capitulating. He knew the info had been stolen, had probably been trying to discover who the leak was and had failed, relying on his computer expert to shoulder the majority of the work. However, if said computer expert was the mole... little wonder the culprit had not been caught.

"Yes, and no," Mike answered, which should have irritated the fuck out of the Official, but he only nodded as if discerning the true meaning of that non-answer.

"You'll keep me in the loop?" the Official requested, while Eberts turned beet red, taking the digging into his precious computer system personally.

Mike shook his head. "I can't promise that."

"Yeah, Chief, you could be the one under investigation," Hobbes stated as if it wasn't obvious to everyone in the room.

Darien knew the boss wasn't the leak, no way he'd compromise his precious position or agency for anything, especially not for the QSX project. No, there were those who wanted Alyx... Michele badly, and would do anything to control her. Thankfully she wasn't easy to control. And while the Official wanted her back working for him, he would not go about it this way. No, he'd work the system until she came back on her own, stronger, more skilled and best of all more dangerous. "No, whoever the mole is was here before Alyx arrived and got activated after."

Mike's eyes widened ever so slightly, as if surprised that Darien had figured it out so easily. "That is the same conclusion we have come to."

"Who do they work for?" Claire asked, her job as much on the line as everyone elses. Perhaps more since the supposed leak appeared to originate from her computers.

"That we have yet to ascertain," Mike responded.

Darien had a good guess, but refused to voice it aloud and risk jinxing this endeavor. As if he'd predicted it the agent Mike had sent scurrying off returned, hustled over to his superior and proceeded to whisper in his ear. Mike kept his look bland, but Darien could see the tightening about his eyes. He was not a happy camper. Finally he said in a quiet voice, "Do it." The agent hurried back out of the room, the door shut before Mike turned back to the Official.

"Well?"

"We have identified two moles. They will be picked up within the hour."

"Two? Not possible," the Official stated, certain that he could not have made such errors in judgment.

"We will know for certain once I've had the chance to speak with them." Mike didn't bat an eye, not about to argue with the Official when the truth would be known soon enough. "In the meantime there is another I would like to question."

"Another?" Hobbes sounded incredulous.

"Yeah," Darien agreed. "When did they get to you, Eberts?"

Eberts blinked, a look of honest confusion crossing his features. "I have no idea what you are talking about," he stuttered out.

Darien glanced at Mike who, thankfully, did not look upset that he'd dropped that bombshell into the room, he also didn't disagree. "You are the one who said that changing the code would require someone of your skill."

"That doesn't mean I did it," he argued, sounding defensive. "As the Keeper pointed out,  _anyone_  could have with the right direction."

"Of course, he might not have be aware that he modified the programming," a new voice said, a female voice. A very familiar female voice.

Darien spun about to see Alyx appear in a shower of Quicksilver flakes. He could only wonder how long she had been standing there waiting for the perfect moment to make her dramatic entrance. He felt her power wash across him, making him want to bask in the energy, then she winked before straightening her shoulders in preparation for the confrontation to come.

"Agent Silver, good to see you," the Official stated, hiding his surprise well.

Hobbes looked like he wanted to cheer, the grin on his face was so broad, but for all that they were happy to see Alyx, the seriousness of the situation was not lost upon them.

"Charlie, wish I could say it was under better circumstances." Alyx looked grim, her focus on Eberts and no one else, as if waiting for him to make his move. "Sims and Turner will be in custody shortly."

Hobbes gave a low whistle. "Sims I can buy, but Turner? She's in Human Resources, don't have any real contact with the agents."

"But she has access to all the files, including scheduling and reports," Claire pointed out. "Bloody hell, how long has this been going on?"

"Too long," Mike told them. "They have accumulated more than enough data from this agency to step up their efforts."

"Efforts at what?" Hobbes asked, eyeing Eberts warily.

"Ah, another good question," Alyx said striding slowly towards the man. "I suppose that would depend on the the day, the only thing I know for certain is they are convinced they need me for their grand plan to succeed."

"Kid, you ain't making much sense." Hobbes seemed to get that something serious was going down, but couldn't quite grasp that Eberts was part of it. Honestly, it surprised the hell out of Darien, and yet made perfect sense. Who would suspect the obsequious kiss-ass and file clerk that would literally shut up on command. If that command came from the Official, that is.

Could he really be an undercover agent?

Darien couldn't say no, no matter how far fetched it seemed to be. Plus he would assume that Mike and Alyx wouldn't be here, making such accusations without some sort of proof.

"Bobby, that agency her husband belonged to," Claire reminded, sounding as disbelieving as his partner.

"Exactly," Alyx agreed. "They've damn near perfected a sleeper agent program. Some have no idea they're even part of it until too late." She looked over at her brother. "He still feels like Eberts to me, what do you get?"

Mike's eyes narrowed, head tipping slightly to one side as he focused. "The cover is solid. He'll need a push."

Alyx smiled, and even Darien's hair stood on end. Whatever she was about to do, Eberts was not going to enjoy it.

"Agent Silver I cannot-"

The other bookend that had up until now not moved took two steps towards the Official who shut up instantly. "You will not interfere," he said, making it clear it was not a request.

Whatever was happening here, their power outranked the Official's, by a factor of ten.

"So, Eberts," Alyx began only to stop as his entire demeanor changed.

Gone was the lacky, the right hand man who touched nothing dirtier than toner on any given day, who cooked the books more often than actual meals for himself. No, whoever now stood before them had the stance and hard eyed look of a well-trained agent. One who'd just had his cover blown.

Alyx pouted. "Not much of a push at all."

Mike's eyes had narrowed. "Different programming parameters."

"Obviously," Eberts stated, sounding nothing like the man they'd known for a couple years now.

Even the Official looked shocked. "How long?"

"Long before you recruited me, so don't feel bad. Until Alyx arrived there was very little information of use to funnel to my superiors."

The Official appeared to be insulted by that, Darien had to agree, an invisible man wasn't of interest? "I doubt that," he said, glancing over at Alyx just in case he was screwing things up by poking Eberts with verbal sticks. Given the way she was concentrating, his poking and the responses were permitting her to delve deeper into the man's mind and the secrets he held within.

Eberts snorted. "While the QS-9000 project was of definite interest to us, it was also of little consequence, until it led you to... Alyx."

"And she is of great interest to you, is she not?" Michael questioned though the answer was obvious.

"She has exceeded our wildest expectations even with this Agency making every effort to screw it up," Eberts sneered with a sideways glance over at his... former boss. "We'll make certain she's ready when the time comes."

"Ready for what?" Hobbes asked, just as curious as the rest of them as to the answer. They already had one group supposedly readying the world for a great cataclysm that might never happen, who knew what this set of whack jobs were preparing for.

Eberts shook his head and tsked. "You want to know, you have to play the game  _much_  better." Then like a switch had been flipped the stranger wearing Eberts' face vanished, leaving the man they thought they had known behind to look about the room with an air of confusion. "Sir?"

The Official turned to Alyx. "You knew?"

"Not until recently, I swear it." She looked most unhappy. "Eberts was my friend. I've been in contact with him regularly since I left here. We did not warn you we were coming for obvious reasons."

Because what the Official knew, Eberts knew, and that would have given him and the other moles a chance to get away.

"They are all yours," the Official told them, though there had been no chance that the trio would not have been taken into custody.

Two agents that had been waiting outside, swung open the door and stepped in, making a beeline for Eberts who still seemed to have no comprehension of what was taking place.

"Sir?"

"You will go with them and cooperate fully, understood?" the Official ordered, his usual stern tone lacking as the full reality of the damage registered.

"Yes, sir," Eberts agreed sounding meek. The two agents did not cuff him, but it was made eminently clear that he would not be going anywhere they did not approve of.

Silence reigned in the room until the three had left and been gone for several minutes. Claire broke it first.

"Eberts? I find that very hard to believe even after what I've just seen."

Alyx sighed heavily. "Neither did I at first, but... Here we are." She turned to the Official. "My apologies for the lack of a heads up, but we couldn't risk them getting away."

The Official shook his head and shuffled back to his desk, settling heavily in his chair with decided creaking. "My computer system?"

"Will be scrubbed before I leave. I can't take back the data they already have, but they will get nothing else from this Agency," Alyx assured him.

"So, it'll go back to business as usual," Hobbes said, though the tone suggested it was a question far more than a statement.

"Mostly," Mike responded. "We will recommend certain security upgrades, but you are not obligated to use them."

"Written by you?" the Official asked of Alyx who nodded. "Who are these people?"

"I wish we knew." Alyx grabbed a chair at the conference table and sat down looking tired. "We've dug deep enough to know they once were a group called Mirage."

"It was decommissioned decades ago, the personnel absorbed into other agencies, but the agent in charge apparently continued his agency objective if far more covertly." Mike paced the length of the room by the windows, perhaps unable to settle the way Alyx had, though Darien had to admit that she looked like she'd rather be pacing, the tension in her shoulders obvious to him.

"Their purpose?" Claire asked, though all of them were wondering the same thing.

"Mirage was a watchdog group, looking for traitors and moles within the system," Hobbes said with a frown, "but..." He shook his head. "I always thought they were the equivalent of a government urban legend."

The Official huffed. "They were real, another cold war relic like this Agency. There's been rumors for... decades that they simply went underground, funding still being funneled to them through dozens of sources, the mandate unchanged, but no one, and I mean no one, was willing to confirm it."

"Justifiably," Mike commented. "They don't leave much behind when they target someone."

"We know they recruit those in existing agencies, using their original mandate as bait - protect from within - but some, like Eberts, end up as deep cover agents, complete with alternate personality programming."

"Like what Heilberg did to you," Hobbes stated, the frown growing even deeper as he contemplated the ramifications of that.

"Exactly," Alyx agreed. "We know Heilberg outsourced for them, however his technique has a high failure rate when activated. Others..." She shook her head. "Even I can't detect the layered personalities. The man we knew as Eberts may have never been a real person, but a cover identity over the spy identity, over the real person. It takes two of us," she nodded at her brother, "to peel back the layers, and even then we have a fifty percent failure rate."

"You can't break the programming?" Claire asked in true curiosity.

"Not precisely. Most are programmed to die if pushed too far. Alyx only recently discovered she can shut off the programming completely, but the triggers in the brain vary from person to person so it's tricky at best." Mike rolled his shoulders. "Which we need to get to." He turned to the Official. "Due to the special circumstances we were granted permission to explain some of what we are doing to you, but as of now you, all of you, are under direct orders to disclose nothing to anyone, including your superiors. A cover story for the loss of the agents will be created, copies of which you will receive by tomorrow morning, just follow the script and you'll be fine."

The Official pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Understood. I appreciate the additional information. How long before we can get back to business?"

"Three days. I'll handle the system upgrades personally," Alyx told him, putting in the effort to smile for her former boss, as she got to her feet. "You got off easy, we've had to shut down entire divisions for weeks to clear out the bugs left behind."

"Good enough." The Official sounded disheartened, but it wasn't as if he had the power to change any of this.

As if planned both she and her brother headed for the door without so much as a by your leave. Darien glanced about noting the shellshock on the faces of everyone in the room, except the lone agent that had remained behind, probably to get to work on cleaning up some of the internal mess. No one moved or said anything, which made him wonder if the siblings had done something to discourage them from following. Always one to buck the trends he got to his feet and went after them, well, after Alyx, hoping for a just a few moments alone before this nasty business swept her up in its embrace and kept her too busy for the likes of him.

They were just turning the corner towards the stairwell when he stuck his head out to see which way they had gone, rushing to catch up with them he called out, "Hey, hold up a sec."

Alyx stopped and looked over her shoulder with a smile lighting up her face. "Hey, D," she greeted as he skidded to a halt on the worn smooth linoleum. Probably time to replace his sneakers if the tread were gone enough for him to be sliding in here. She set a hand on Mike's arm. "I'll be down in five."

Mike nodded. "Good to see you, Fawkes."

"You too," Darien said with a nod, then Mike left through the double doors, probably heading down to the parking garage where their far classier than anything the Agency had vehicle waited. "I know this is a work trip, but any chance we can get together?" There was no point in being upset that she had not informed him she would be in town given the circumstances, who knew how far the bugging went. His home phone, hell his cell phone or laptop could have trackers, especially the computer since he'd had Eberts install some of the programs. "Crap."

"I'll check your personal items, everyone's actually, but yours I will do straight away." She sidled closer, set her hands on his hips, and went up on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. "I fully intended to say hi before I left, promise, but this work takes priority."

"Not complaining. I am more than happy to see you even if it's only for work." However, he would be even happier to spend some off the clock time with her if they could wrangle it. With a soft sigh he took advantage of the moment and kissed her, making the effort to communicate his unadulterated pleasure at her unexpected presence. He'd missed her a lot, and with their stepping things back to dating first, bed eventually, it had been an interesting few months, with most of those  _dates_  via video chat, which is why he'd broken down and bought the computer in the first place.

She pulled away first, not wanting to, but needing to. "I'll stop by later."

"We're talking after midnight later, aren't we?" he questioned with a grin.

"Yeah, if that's okay?"

"Very okay," he assured her. "I'll run those security programs you wrote me and see if I can shorten your work time a smidge."

She chuckled. "Not necessary, but if it'll keep you from pacing while waiting for me to show up, go right ahead." She stole another moment, leaning forward to rest her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms about her, holding on while he could. "Want me to call first?"

"No. If I can't manage to stay awake I'll nap on the sofa and you can wake me up. I can guarantee I won't mind one bit." He rested his chin atop her head, missing this, the closeness, the being able to hold her in his arms, far more than the sex.

* _I missed you too,_ * and with the words came emotions, all tangled up and needy and real, and just what he needed. It was always nice to know you were missed just as much as you had been missing.

He sighed softly and stepped back, hands moving to rest on her shoulders. "You have work to do," he told her, wishing it weren't true, but not upset with her for the need.

She chuckled dryly. "So do you. I'm betting the 'Fish is gonna turn this place upside down over the next few days."

Darien groaned. She was right and he knew it. He wouldn't be surprised if there was a complete shuffle of personnel over the next few weeks, though maybe not. If these guys could hide under seemingly ordinary people like Eberts, then anyone new that he hired could be yet another mole. "Oh, this is so fucked up. What's he gonna do without Eberts?"

"He'll manage and I have a few people I plan to suggest as replacements. People I'm reasonably certain are not part of this Mirage." She smiled up at him. "The Agency has survived far worse than this, trust me on that one."

"I do, you know. Trust you, that is." He wasn't certain he'd ever told her that and now seemed like an appropriate time to do so.

"I know, but I must run. I have some interrogations to start."

"Later?" He questioned as he stepped back, putting that needed distance between them so that she felt able to leave.

"Definitely," she assured him, then turned and went through the double doors to the stairwell.

Darien turned about to head back to his Boss and find out what they would be doing next.

 


	5. burning bridges

Darien had gone full out for this... date. They hadn't had a lot of time for romancing the first time they'd gotten together, the exact opposite, in fact, so he'd decided what the hell and went for it. She'd been beautifully stunned when she'd walked in the door to discover the candles and flowers and wine and food he'd purchased just for tonight.

"You didn't have to do all this. Cold pizza would have been just fine with me," she told him as she bit into another slice of the tender-enough-to-cut-with-her-fork steak. The wine and mushroom reduction had been her contribution and he had to admit it was far better than he could have done. He was a decent cook, but she was amazing, though he got the impression she hadn't had a whole lot of time to use her culinary skills as of late. The job, the special assignment taking up the majority of her time.

He shrugged. "I wanted to, so stop complaining about it," he said around a grin. He could feel that she appreciated all the effort he'd gone to and that it had touched her. "I never really got much of a chance to show you this side of me... before."

"I never would have pegged you for a romantic. That's more Bobby's style," she argued.

"I s'pose." She wasn't really wrong. His half-assed attempts at romancing Casey had left his ex more amused than anything. She'd appreciated the efforts, but even he had to admit, especially in retrospect that he'd pretty much failed utterly. Casey, being a doctor and all, had deserved the best, but he, as a two-bit thief, had not been able to afford to meet her standards. Not legally anyway. And no matter how much he had wanted to quit for her, it had been the only viable means to treat her in the manner to which he believed she deserved. He'd made some damn good scores when with her, but it had all been a lie. What she had really wanted... needed was the truth and that had been the one thing he could not give her.

Alyx had the truth and still wanted him. How amazing was that?

She set down her fork and cocked her head slightly. "You okay?"

He smiled. "Of course, why?"

"Thinking deep thoughts you were," she said in her best, which was pretty damn horrible, let's be real here, Yoda voice.

"I suppose I was. Just... just comparing relationships is all," he told her, not about to lie. That would lead him down the wrong road and it wasn't as if the comparison came out bad for her. "Casey walked away when she learned who I really was. You've known from the beginning." He shrugged.

"Wondering where your relationship with her might have gone if you'd told her the truth?"

"It would have gone nowhere, I'm not a fool. Hell, she probably would have turned me in at the ER if she'd realized my injury had happened on a job." He shook his head, not about to indulge himself in that fantasy when the woman he loved sat before him. "You like me just as I am, and, while it still surprises the hell out of me, that's important. Is there anything you'd change about me?"

She cocked one eyebrow. "Wouldn't mind improving your stamina a bit," she replied cheekily, making him laugh.

"My stamina is just fine, thank you very much, which you are very much aware of as I recall."

Straight-faced she said, "I dunno, it's been a while, I might need a demonstration to remind me."

And, man, did that garner a reaction from at least one portion of his anatomy. He sucked in a breath and blew it out to a slow count of ten. Clearly it had been too long if that was all it took. Oh, he'd had sex since she'd last left, but it had been for work only, and he'd gotten the information needed every single time, but none of them had been her, Alyx. And no one could ever replace her as far as his mind and body were concerned.

"That can be arranged," he told her, voice shockingly low and husky.

She blinked lazily and all it did was cause already tight areas to tighten even further, which made him want to pounce and forget the elaborate dessert he had planned. "When you're ready so am I," she reminded, voice soft.

A valid reminder given he'd just been playing compare the relationships. Granted, Alyx had won, but her point had been made. A'course that didn't make him want her any less, and right now, he wanted her... lots. "Why did my being a thief not bother you?"

She shrugged. "Thief, con man, ex-con, spy... invisible man; they're all just words. Poor descriptors of who you are, but none of them are  _you_." She stabbed her fork at him on the last word, before setting it on the table. "All of those words are just part of the whole that is Darien G. Fawkes, but no single one, nor all combined are the totality that is who you are. Which is as it should be." She paused for a sip of her wine. "And I have liked you from the moment we first met... as children. I do not expect you to change. You have to figure out how to accept yourself for who you are flaws and all. Now, that does not mean one should not try to improve, but one should do it for themselves, not because others deem it necessary."

And there it was in a nutshell, the whole reason they'd taken that proverbial step back: he did not feel worthy of her. How she saw him, what she expected of him, or not as the case may be, entirely different than his own. "Why though?" he asked, still feeling more than a touch bemused by it all. "Why do you like me?"

"Why do you like me? I'm a bitch most of the time, have had my head scrambled so badly I rely on how others picture me to prevent bad... very bad things from happening, I'm vertically challenged, especially next to you-"

He cut her off by reaching out and setting fingers on her lips. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You... you challenge me, make me want to be a better person without ever asking me to be, you expect nothing and give everything. More than I deserve most days. Everyone likes you if they give you even half a second to see you who you really are." He shifted his hand to cup her cheek. "How many men have wanted you after just a few hours? And not one has shied away from any part of you."

She shook her head. "Not true. not one of them knew the real me. I had to lie and hide what I really am... to protect them."

Darien only had to say two words to shatter that illusion of hers. "Max Garrett."

Her eyes narrowed in a glare that didn't last more than a few seconds before she closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "The sole exception... when it comes to ords anyway."

Darien snorted. "You'll be calling us muggles next."

"Us? You aren't a muggle by any stretch of the imagination, Mr. Invisible Man." She rubbed her eyes and met his with a sadness buried in hers. "You had to pick one of my biggest failures as an example."

"Failure? You saved his life." Very true, and in return Garrett had gotten them out of one of the worst wildfires in recent memory for everyone in California.

"Only to have him murdered in a bombing just weeks later. Would have been better to end it quickly," she grumbled, part of her clearly believing that in her heart and soul.

"And how many people did he save while fighting that fire?"

Her eyes widened as if she had never thought of it in quite that way. "But he still died."

"And was lucky enough to have met you... and liked you just as you are. Dangerous, beautiful and utterly amazing. I'm glad you met him and would have been glad to see you happy, and he did that."

"Darien..."

"It's okay, really, 'cause if it weren't for him you never would have... become this." He waved his hands at her for emphasis and was pleasantly surprised when she blushed. "Now, have we settled the why portion of this discussion?"

She smiled. "You tell me, have we?"

He thought about that, seriously, for a few moments then nodded. Truthfully the whys were indescribable, and far more visceral feelings than those that could be easily put into words. As she would say, 'it just was' and for now it was an answer he could live with. "Yeah. Much as we can, that is."

"Does that mean we can move forward on the dating?" she asked, her look far too innocent to be real.

Body parts south of his navel tightened instantly, and he could only hope she was suggesting what he thought she was suggesting. "So, second base?"

She chuckled warmly. "At the very least. Just remember you don't have to do anything to feel worthy of me. Far as I'm concerned you always were." She took a long drink of her wine, her look turning serious as she swirled the remaining amount around the bottom of the glass.

"Then why wouldn't you marry me?" A dangerous question to ask and one that might end with him not getting laid tonight, but that he still needed an answer to. Her reaction was carefully controlled. She finished the food she was chewing, set her fork down and dabbed at her lips with a napkin, which she set aside without once looking at him.

"What happened with my last... first marriage?"

It took him a moment to understand her quick change of words, realizing after a moment that she considered the faux marriage to Piotr as real as her marriage to Jess, a man who turned out to not be real. "He abused you," he stated, even though that single word did nothing to describe the hell she had gone through for years. "He did it to control you for his... employer."

She shook her head. "I didn't know that then and it really changes nothing. He had everything planned, sucked me in and had me head over heels, hell, even had my brothers convinced that he was the one... Well, everyone but Mike."

"He knew Jess was bad news?"

"Probably? His empathic skill wasn't as finely honed back then, he just knew he didn't like Jess." She sighed and poured more wine into her glass. "None of which is important now other than that relationship souring the idea of marriage for me. I only married Piotr because I had no choice. It's not fair to you, but it is how I feel." She turned away, eyes roving about the apartment that had once been hers. "Does it mean nothing that I stay here with you out of my own free will. That I  _choose_  to be here. Because if not then we had better reevaluate our relationship right now."

Darien froze for a moment as realization sank in. Little wonder she wanted no part of marriage, the memories brought up just talking about it must be painful beyond belief and here he kept pushing the buttons. And... and she was right, damn it. She was with him by choice, had chosen him above all others, and he callously deemed it unworthy simply because she refused to allow an, admittedly, archaic, ritual to be performed. He had never wanted to marry anyone until her. Yes, there had been the occasional wild thought about Casey, but even he'd been wise enough to realize that the truth must out before that step could even be considered.

He moved quickly, until he knelt before her, her hands wrapped within his own. "I'm an idiot. Of course you choosing to be here, with me, is important. The most important thing in the world on most days." She managed a slight smile at that. "I didn't think. Didn't consider how much he hurt you or the fact that even mentioning it would bring those memories back. Forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," she grumbled, clearly not thrilled with having to point out the obvious and having to once again convince him that she was here for the long haul no matter how many stupid questions he asked.

Dinner was over and dessert could wait, right now he had to make amends. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers until he heard her sigh softly and felt her body relax ever so slightly. He stood and encouraged her to her feet. "C'mon."

She didn't argue and came along willingly enough as he led her to the sofa and urged her to sit. He didn't give her a chance to say a word, knelt before her and pulled her in for a kiss. While she didn't resist, she also didn't really participate, keeping her emotions carefully locked inside, the previous conversation clearly making her wary. He shifted, pulling her into a gentle hug, tucking his face up against the side of her neck. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean to dredge up bad memories."

She relaxed, her entire body softening in his embrace. "Don't be sorry, it's me and my stupid brain screwing things up again."

"No... Well, yes, but I don't blame you." And he didn't. Wasn't her fault her husband had been a sadistic bastard, or that her mind had been so supercharged that she could literally forget nothing, no matter how much she wanted to. "Was being married to Piotr that horrible?"

She flinched, the question obviously catching her off guard. He moved to sit beside her, one of her hands twined with his, trying his best to let her know through touch that while he did indeed want an answer, she could take her time about it. She stuttered out, "N..n...no. In fact, if we had been free of other... entanglements I probably would have been willing to stay more than a few months."

He felt a surprising sense of hope and, oddly enough, unhappiness surge through him. "You... lo... cared about him that much?" He really didn't want to know if she had fallen for the man, a literal king and incredibly handsome too boot.

She met his gaze calmly. "Yes, I do, but since I could not be more than his friend and bodyguard I felt it better to bow out gracefully, so that we could both move forward with our lives."

"Alyx? What are you talking about?" He had an inkling, but didn't want to make assumptions, making one of those had torn them apart in the first place.

"I was supposed to remain married to him... forever, complete with having kids," she explained, tone carefully neutral, this discussion not easy for her.

"And? Do you not want more kids or something?"

She closed her eyes for a long moment and swallowed hard, before meeting his with pain clearly visible in hers. "I can't have any more, Darien. Jess made certain of that."

_Can't have any more..._

Having kids had never really been something he'd specifically thought about. Yeah, he'd like to have kids... one day, and more have kids with Alyx but... "This is why you won't marry me," he whispered, voice hoarse as the truth settled heavily upon him. She wouldn't marry him, simply because she wouldn't deny him anything and that included the opportunity to be a father, which, if what she just told him were indeed true, she could never provide. She cared about him so much that she would walk away in order for him to be happy and have the life she believed he deserved.

"It's part of it, yes," she answered with an honesty that surprised him. "When you asked me you wanted the whole package, house with the proverbial picket fence, big backyard with a dog or two, swing set... and kids." Darien ducked his head, not about to deny that had been exactly what had been going through his head. He felt her fingers on his cheek and he forced himself to meet her eyes. "And I knew I couldn't give that to you. Even if I had been... able to say yes I wouldn't have. I wouldn't force you to stay with someone who can't give you everything you want out of life."

Trouble was he still wanted that  _with her_. No one else would do. But if she couldn't have any more kids... "This isn't a deal breaker if that's what you're thinking," he told her and meaning it. "I just... I guess I never really thought all of this through." True enough, but now that it had indeed come up he did, at least a start and he immediately realized that any family the two of them had would be just as much at risk as her current one. She already had four children, all of whom had inherited her abilities in one form or another, little chance that wouldn't occur if the two of them reproduced. Hell the two of them living together would complicate things. Risky enough allowing the bad guys to know they cared about each other, made it worse to have the two of them playing target in the same apartment. Toss children that would be unable to defend themselves into the mix and their crazy lives would become insane ones in seconds.

"You being impulsive? Never would have guessed." The snark ran deep, but he didn't allow it to deter him. He knew it was simply her being defensive.

Well, he'd had time to think now, months to think about how he hoped their relationship would go. "I… While I would love to start a family with you I would be more than happy to just be a part of yours. I mean I wouldn't expect your kids to call me dad or any-"

She stopped him cold by grabbing his face in her hands, fingers tangling in the hair by his ears and pulling him into a fierce kiss. When they finally broke apart she lay beneath him, her shirt unbuttoned further than could be considered appropriate, his was gone, flung into some far corner of the apartment and both of them were flushed and more than ready to take this to the next level.

Or so he thought, mere seconds after he'd shifted slightly to, in theory not crush her, her mood shifted. "You amaze me."

"If you think that was good…" he trailed off the grin practically swallowing up his face.

She reached up and set her palm against his cheek. "Not about that. About… my kids. You have no idea how much you wanting to be part of my family means to me."

"Yeah, I do." He turned his head to kiss her palm. "And I mean it. They've been important to me since the first time I met Rose. No matter what you say I know they are still the most important part of your life and will do whatever I can to help. Even if… even if we remain broken."

"Thank you," she told him with all due sincerity. "Now, before we go any further I have some news to tell you and… and you're not going to like it."

"Wait, you want to spoil the mood? Not exactly fair." Not that it would actually be possible, he hadn't had her in this position in  _months_  it would take and act of god to destroy his want of her, and for the first time since her last visit in town and their discussion he actually felt like he could be worthy of her. She'd been right and while he still had issues, obviously, he planned to stop being an idiot and just let things be. It might be some time before they could be together on a day to day basis, but he'd make every effort to be patient, though it would not be easy… the rewards… they would be worth it.

"I know, but this is part of why I came over tonight. You need to know this." The seriousness in her tone and look took him aback, she really didn't want to burden him with this, but felt it necessary. He nodded and sat up, while she did little more than straighten her shirt a bit, leaving it unbuttoned, not the least bit embarrassed by her state of semi-undress. "We've been watching Eberts for a while now."

That stunned Darien for multiple reasons. "How long?"

"Months," she told him.

"And you did nothing?"

She shrugged. "We watched him and the info he was passing along. He wasn't giving away anything of importance in the grand scheme of things."

"But why leave him?"

She tipped her head slightly. "The devil you know."

He sighed. At least that made sense. By leaving Eberts in place they knew who the mole was, once arrested a new one could have been activated and they would have to start all over on figuring out who he or she was. "You suspected there was more than one?"

She nodded. "We're reasonably certain they did not know about each other, but once we took down one we had to take down all."

He reached out, shifting her legs across his lap, one hand rubbing the back of his head, the other coming to rest on her thigh, fingers gently kneading the muscle. "And you couldn't warn me?"

"And risk them moving sooner? No."

He nodded, understanding that. You don't risk the mission… not even for your boyfriend. Hell, he'd done the same when necessary, and, yeah, Hobbes had been cranky, but understood. "So, what changed? Why grab him now?"

Alyx closed her eyes for a long moment, releasing a soft sigh as if she had expected him to be pissed instead of reasonable, which, he had to admit, he might have done in the past, but this… this job of hers had far bigger implications than one brown-nosing geek turning out to be a double-agent for the big bad. "He had orders to kill you."

His fingers tightened convulsively about her leg. That had to be about the last thing he had ever expected to hear. "Eberts was ordered to kill me?"

She nodded. "Yes, and there was no way in hell I was going to allow that to happen."

He managed an only slightly freaked out smile. "Thanks for that, by the way." Her phrasing was interesting to say the least. While it was good to know she liked him among the living he got the distinct impression there were those who didn't give a rat's ass if the government's invisible man remained alive. "You're here against orders."

She shrugged. "I have discretion on my missions."

He reached over to tap her on the nose. "And that does not answer the question."

She moved quickly and caught his finger between her teeth, digging in just hard enough for him to feel it before allowing him to escape. "Given I'm not supposed to be telling you any of this, does it really matter?"

"Then why are you?" She had her reasons, of that he was certain, he was simply curious as to what they were. "You told the 'Fish, right?" His finger trailed down her neck, then slid across her collarbone, which conveniently caused the shirt to open more revealing the pale purple camisole she wore beneath.

She shook her head, seemingly oblivious to his actions. "No, and you don't get to either. He… he can't know, but you need to so you can be prepared should they try again."

"Again?" he all but squeaked, fingers pausing their slow exploration of her in his agitation. "Shit. Are you sure I shouldn't just run for the hills?"

She managed a soft laugh that actually eased some of the sudden worry churning in his gut. "I'm certain. Besides if you take off I can't keep an eye on you." Her foot shifted, toes rubbing gently across the skin over his ribs just hard enough to not tickle.

"You been spying on me?" He wasn't too keen on that, but at the same time if she hadn't been keeping a weather eye on him he might very well be dead now at Eberts's hand and no one the wiser. Least he had someone who cared about him watching his back and, apparently, saving his ass. Not to discount Hobbes and his semi-regular ass-saving, but he'd had no clue about this particular threat.

"No, just making certain things are okay, that's all. Your life is still your own, I promise."

Not what he had meant, but he wasn't sure he could explain to her the difference. "Guess maybe I should be asking why you've been keeping an eye on me."

"Well, aside from wanting you alive and kicking, we've discovered some things about this group… some disturbing things," she said softly. "Things I can't tell you… for your safety. Just… wait a few days after I'm gone and give Hobbes a heads up. He'll be able to help, but I don't want you to freak out. I'm hoping this will give them the hint that moving against you will just piss me off."

"And the last thing anyone wants is you pissed off." True enough, she could be a force of nature when she wanted to be. Hell, she could be scary dangerous when she wanted to be. He glanced down at her lying there half dressed and decided there were far more important things to do than talk about Eberts and the evil government agency he worked for. He leaned down to kiss her gently, her mouth opening under his with minimal encouragement and permitting him to do as he pleased for long minutes.

He pulled away to look her right in the eyes, the drowsy look of pleasure making him want to take her now, but he had plans after so many months without seeing her, detailed and exacting plans that would keep them far away from sleep for many hours. "I want to taste you," he said softly and then had to restrain a laugh as her eyes dilated though the lighting had not changed one whit.

"Yes, please," she requested, hands cupping his face, thumbs tracing across his skin and lips as if trying to memorize every contour. "I've missed you, Dare."

He couldn't help himself and said, "I know," before silencing her by the simple expedient of kissing her soundly and most thoroughly.

 


	6. demons

_The entire building shuddered, damn near knocking him off the sad excuse for a bed and forcing him to actually crack open his eyes to gaze about blearily. The headache pounding away in the back of his skull boded ill for his current state of mind. The days had blurred together, mostly thanks to the drugs and aided by the lack of outside contact. Not even a heavily barred window to give him a hint as to night or day, just the bed and the light that remained on constantly. Not torture as such, but annoying when one had to wake up long enough to be drugged again. Usually by some gas fed into the ventilation of the room. He eyed the camera high in the corner, noting the red LED still glowed meaning the feed remained live. He fully expected to be unconscious again within moments._

_His eyelids, feeling as if huge weights had been attached, drifted shut, the call of sleep pulling at him even without more drugs being forced into his system. He was standing on that edge, that high fall into sleep a single step before him when the silence shattered with the sound of gunfire. Not the soft pop or two of a handgun, no this was automatic weapons fire, and close by, possibly in the building itself._

_He groaned in misery and forced his eyes open to see nothing but all enveloping darkness, the light that had never gone out now mysteriously dark._

_A notably interesting development._

_Pushing his body upright he swung his legs around to sit on the edge of the bed, the floor cold on his bare feet. He glanced up in the direction of the camera again, the evil red eye no longer glaring menacingly at him. With the power out, his watchers were just as blind as him. He rubbed his face in his hands, finding several days worth of stubble on his cheeks, clearly shaving had been further down on the list than even bathing for his captors. Not surprising, but given they'd been most careful to keep him alive and in reasonable health - they'd made certain he'd eaten his three a day - an odd dichotomy._

_Hell, maybe it was perfectly normal behavior for kidnappers._

_He'd love the opportunity to ask them personally, perhaps with his fingers wrapped just a touch too tight about their throats._

_He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out to a slow count of ten._

_He would need to find them first. And that meant getting out of this room._

_The sound of gunfire had shifted, as if having circled about the building. Though not knowing the actual size of his home away from home, they could be within the walls and simply searching and shooting at anything that moved._

_He wanted to make the both bold and asinine assumption that those who set off the initial explosion had come for him, but dared not. For all he knew the neighboring meth lab had gone up in a spectacular pyre and the local dealers were fighting over the clean up. No, if he were going to get out of this mess he would need to take advantage of the situation and distraction and escape on his own._

_The obvious choice for an exit was the door, the only way in or out of the room. Not that he could see it right now, so with little effort he let the Quicksilver coat his eyes, giving him very limited vision thanks to the room having no natural light source. He glanced about to familiarize himself with his surroundings under the new conditions, got to his feet and walked carefully over to the door. His side was blank, no knob, no hinges, no visible way to open it, so he tested the waters and gently pushed it and, much to his amazement, it opened._

_He had tried the door before; on the very few occasions he'd managed to stay conscious long enough to walk over to it and it had always remained stubbornly shut. At a wild guess the lock had been electronic and died with the power. He didn't really trust his sudden ability to escape, but wasn't about to sneer at the opportunity._

_Deciding caution was warranted on this occasion he let the Quicksilver flow, pushed open the door and waited for the hail of bullets, when none were forthcoming he stepped out into the hallway._

_He glanced in both directions, neither seeming to be a better choice than the other. The gunshots seemed to be coming from more to his left so he went right, away from the sound, not interested in getting shot, though pounding in the heads of a select few of the bastards who had grabbed him sounded quite fine right about now. Still, he'd have to find them first. Without getting shot, that is. Getting injured would most certainly spoil all the fun._

_The light filtering in was minimal at best so even Quicksilver vision was limited, but better than pitch dark. The sound of gunfire continued with pauses in between the staccato beats as pockets of resistance were found and eliminated. After two right turns and a left the hall ended at a set of double doors. With care he pushed one open a couple inches, thankful of the well-oiled hinges to see open space than seemed to go on for hundreds of feet. The warehouse option turning out to be correct. The gunfire had moved closer but he saw no one in the vicinity so took the chance to slip out into the main area._

_There wasn't much cover, so he stuck to the wall for now, able to see thanks to the windows off in the distance. He froze when he heard voices._

" _...him. Our part is done."_

" _We need to make certain he'll do his."_

_The pair came around the corner of the office area he'd just managed to escape from and he could only surmise they had been talking about him, though he had no idea what they expected him to do from within a locked cell. For an instant as they neared he debated the merits of having a little fun and getting some of that payback he felt he deserved, but didn't really want to be caught and all it would take is one bullet and the fun would be over. So he let them pass unmolested and headed towards where they had come from just to see what was going on before deciding the best way to get out of the building._

_What he saw made him growl in frustration. A half dozen black clad foes, faces covered to hide everything but their eyes, approached in formation, clearly looking for something. A something he suspected was one Darien Fawkes._

_If they caught him he would be a dead man._

_He could sneak away, maybe, or he could take some of them out with him._

_A shout of, "There," ruined any hopes of getting away clean. One of the group wearing what could only be thermals, on which he would show up clear as day._

_The group shifted, guns at the ready, heading straight towards him. Not about to go down quietly he dropped the Quicksilver and charged straight at them. He wasn't subtle and didn't bother hiding his intentions as he barreled into the first one, driving his shoulder forcefully into the man's stomach causing a vocal grunt of pain and sending him to the floor hard enough for his head to connect with a nap inducing thunk. Darien wrenched the gun out of the unconscious man's hands and swung it at the one he sensed coming up behind him, connecting with a cheekbone and sending him to the concrete with little more than a surprised gasp._

" _Fawkes," another shouted, confirming that they were indeed after him. So his options were now run and risk a bullet in the back or fight and put them down so he could make his escape without followers._

_Darien waited for them to come to him this time and was surprised when they put the guns down as they approached. Idiots._

_The first one to close the distance said, "Thank god, you're-"_

_A quick jab to the nose stopped the chattering and he followed it up with a knee to the groin that dropped him like a stone._

_Hands on his arm made him spin about; putting all the momentum he could into that arm he shoved the goon into the wall, hard enough to earn a grunt of pain. "Who's next?" he snarled._

" _I am," the one he just shoved away said as he straightened. As_ _ **she**_ _straightened he realized as he caught her in profile._

" _Fine," he growled and leapt at her, driving her back into the wall hard enough to hear the wet snap of bone as he broke at least one rib._

_She didn't make a sound as she drove back with a fist to his solar plexus, which made all the air in his chest leave with a surprised whoosh. He staggered back, trying to draw in another breath, irritation and anger burning to life inside him. Not about to let something so petty as lack of air slow him down, he let fly with a vicious backhand, blood flying from her lips and nose at the violent contact._

" _Kid," someone shouted, the voice making Darien pause for a second._

" _Tranq," she grunted, as she spat blood on the ground._

" _Thanks for the warning," Darien sneered as he snagged her sleeve, pulled her up in front of him and watched in glee as the dart made a direct hit in her chest. "This is fun, want to keep playing?"_

" _Fawkes, damn it, you're gonna kill her."_

" _That's the plan," Darien snarled, arms angling about her neck to cut off her air. Her body hadn't gone limp as expected, though he could feel what might be a vest under the tight fitting clothes, which meant the dart had never made contact with flesh._

_Yet she wasn't fighting his hold at all. "You playing possum, sweet thing?"_

" _No."_

_He felt a sharp pain in his thigh as she jabbed him with something. With a snarl he shifted his grip, one hand firmly about her throat as he glanced down to see what she had stuck him with. It wasn't a tranq, but a syringe, one that she had emptied into him. "Bitch," he snarled, flinging her violently into the wall where she connected head first, her body now going limp and lifeless._

_He had little time to revel in the pleasure as whatever she had stuck him with went to work, his entire body convulsing; the rush familiar as his legs decided to no longer hold him. He was caught as he went down, arms wrapping firmly about him and lowering him to the cold floor._

" _Easy there," a soft voice said in his ear, "let the Counteragent work."_

_He looked up to see Alyx's bloody face above his own._

 

~^~

 

Darien jerked awake in his bed, sheets fisted tightly in his hands, sweat coating his body, and his heart pounding a mile a minute. Again with the damn dream, the damn reminder that he'd tried to kill her, kill Alyx when she had put together a strike team to rescue him.

Granted he hadn't learned all that until later, much later for they'd knocked him out once the Counteragent had taken enough hold to keep him from fighting.

He had beaten the crap out of Alyx and two others thinking they were the ones who had kidnapped and held him. No, let's be real here, he'd tried to kill his allies and he'd been damn surprised to not find himself in a cell when he'd awoken and learned the truth.

He released the sheets, his hands having cramped he'd been holding on so tightly and shifted into a seated position, the wood of the headboard biting into his back, a pain he felt he deserved, plus a hundred times more.

Everyone had been sympathetic and forgiving and thankful he had been found relatively unharmed. While thrilled to still be among the living, the circumstances had left him feeling decidedly depressed. Once again the madness had taken hold and he'd done major damage to friend and foe alike. Though in this case it had been far more friend than foe as it turned out; the only damage done to the bad guys had been by the five-some that had come to save his sorry ass and that had ended with three of them in the hospital… including Alyx.

He'd been assured by Mike that she was alright and would be back on the job within days, but that had eased his conscience not one whit. He'd damn near snapped her neck, simply because he'd felt like it.

He closed his eyes, the memory sliding into place with no effort. The feel of her body pressed back against his, his arm wrapped tightly about her neck; a swift shift and her neck would snap with ease, leaving nothing but an empty husk behind. He shuddered hating that part of him  _enjoyed_  the sensation. And no matter how many times he told himself that he hadn't known it had been her, had been Alyx, he still felt such guilt.

He could have killed the most important thing in his life.

He heaved a huge sigh that bordered on a sob, wishing he could banish the memories and attendant feelings. Wished he hadn't beaten the shit out of his friends, wished they had just pulled the damn gland out of his head. He really didn't care if it killed him. So very long ago he'd told Claire he'd rather take a bullet than risk killing Bobby. This… this had been far,  _far_  worse.

He wondered how Alyx was doing. He didn't even know where she was, or if she'd had surgery or how bad her injuries had been. He simply knew he had to make the hardest decision of his life and that she was going to hate him for it, but there was no choice. After everything they had been through and in the end it was the damn gland that forced his hand.

He looked out into the darkened apartment, her apartment, where they had spent time together, falling in love and falling apart and then, by some miracle back together again. He debated the merits of getting up and pouring a stiff drink or two… or three if he had any hope of getting back to sleep when a voice intruded.

_*Dare?*_

Shit.  _*Uh, yeah?*_  Maybe if he sounded uninterested she'd leave him be and delay the discussion they had to have.

_*Sorry, but you were so focused on me I couldn't help but feel it and thought I'd say 'hi'. You doing okay?*_

_*Yeah. Claire says me and the gland are fine. Lost some weight, some bumps and bruises, but that's it. No long term effects from the drugs they were stuffing me with.*_  All true and all information she had surely learned on her own, so he had to wonder why ask him?  _*How… how are you?*_

_*I'm fine, D. Hoping to stop by and see you tomorrow if I can…*_  She left that sentence screamingly open-ended. Perhaps she sensed his reluctance to even be having this conversation.

_*I don't think that would be a good idea,*_  he finally told her, hoping she'd get the hint without him having to say anything directly. Not a chance in hell, in truth, but he needed to make this break as gentle as possible. He did not want to hurt her, though he knew there would be no possibility of getting through this unscathed for either of them. He might, if he were very lucky, be able to keep it from shattering her to pieces.

He could practically hear her gathering her mental thoughts, trying to find the best approach that would allow her to do whatever it was she thought she needed to do.  _*Darien, I'm fine and we need to talk. It's important.*_

_*We're talking now,*_  he pointed out, not about to allow a face to face meeting happen. His resolve would crumble and he would not be able to find the strength to let her go, as he knew he must.

She sighed.  _*In person. I… I want to make certain you are all right,*_  she explained, allowing some of her worry to be felt by him.

_*No.*_  The only possible answer he could give even though he knew she would hate it. There was the mental equivalent of stunned silence then confusion, worry, and a touch of anger that threatened to overwhelm him.  _*I can't, Alyx.*_

_*Darien… Fine, we'll do it this way.*_

He had no idea what she meant until his room disappeared and he found himself standing barefoot in the sand at Kensington Beach in the moonlight. He had no idea how he'd gotten there, or how his clothes had changed, or what the hell was happening. He closed his eyes for a long moment, figuring that when he opened them his room, his bed would have magically returned, but it didn't. He still stood on the beach, the light breeze ruffling his hair, the sound of crashing waves close enough to feel the spray on his skin.

"What the hell?"

"Hey, D," Alyx said from behind him, causing him to spin about, his heart pounding against his rib cage damn near hard enough to cause him to Quicksilver. Much to his utter amazement though his heart rate was more than high enough nothing happened, no unplanned invisibility. She stood before him in beat up jeans and a tank top, bare toes in the damp sand, hands tucked into the front pockets, her hair a wild tumble of curls in the dim light. She looked wonderful and it made his heart lurch painfully hard in his chest. He loved her so damn much and now he would have to hurt her beyond measure… again.

It seemed there would never be a chance for them to  _not_  be broken.

"How?" He waved his hand vaguely about, not quite ready to believe she'd gained the Star Trekian power of teleportation in the last few months. Possible, yes, but highly unlikely.

"It's not real," she assured him. "You are still home in bed, I just… I needed to  _see_  you. Wanted to be certain you are all right."

"So this is all in my head?" he asked, sounding relieved even to his ears.

She chuckled warmly. "Our heads, but yes. My connection to you allows this to be possible."

"You couldn't do this before," he pointed out. At least she never had. Then again there hadn't been a real need for it till now. Normally, when she was in town he'd be the first to suggest they get together.

She shrugged. "Learned a few new tricks is all." She moved to stand right before him, less than arms length away, her gaze roving over him with a power he could feel in his bones. Her fingers came up to rest against his cheek, her touch warm and alive, as if she were really in front of him and not just some cobbled together scene created from memories in their minds.

She looked perfect, skin flawless, eyes bright and while she looked lovely he knew it to be a lie. "Show me," he all but ordered.

She shook her head. "Darien, there's nothing to see."

He cupped her hand, holding it against his cheek, wishing there were another way to do this, but he needed the truth, needed to see exactly what he had done to her when she'd been trying to rescue his sorry ass. "Show me."

Her eyes closed for a long moment, then she sighed heavily. She opened them as she let her hand drop and took a step back from him. Then she… shimmered from head to toe. Her clothes didn't change, but everything else seemed to. Her right cheek swelling and turning dark purple, half of the eye filling with blood. Split lip, still looking in need of ice. Left arm strapped tightly across her chest just under her breasts, the injuries not as easily seen, but their litany playing out in his mind thanks to the connection she had forged between them. Three cracked ribs, broken collarbone, the bruising visible on her shoulder now that he knew to look for it. A concussion causing her head to still throb in time to her heartbeat to go along with the broken cheekbone, thus explaining the severity of the swelling to her face.

He turned away, unable to continue looking at the damage he had wrought upon her. He rubbed his face with his hands, wanting nothing more than to wake up and to have all this be no more than a bad dream. That he hadn't stupidly forced himself to face what he had done. Though in truth it only firmed his decision.

He felt her hand on his back, the touch timid, as if afraid he would bolt from her, which he supposed he probably should, but until she released him from this shared dream he was stuck. "I'm sorry," he said hoarsely, knowing the words could never be enough to repair the damage he had done… or that he intended to do.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Dare," she assured him, truly meaning the words from what he could tell, no matter how insane that seemed to him. And he would be the resident expert on that particular mental condition.

"I beat the crap out of you, bad enough to put you in the hospital, and you forgive me that easily?" He turned slightly to look over his shoulder at her. "You should hate me."

"Hate you? For something you had little control over? You were damn near Stage 5 and-"

"You're making excuses because I was Quicksilvermad? Are you nuts?" He spun about and stepped away, her hand dropping to her side in her astonishment.

"Darien, it wasn't your fault," she stated, putting as much force behind the words as she could without shouting. Hell, he doubted she could take in enough air to shout at him, least out in the real world.

"Same song, different verse," he muttered bitterly. And it was true enough. He would go Quicksilvermad, break something, hurt someone, do something he would always regret later and they would act like it was nothing. Just another incident caused by the side-effect, put yet another band-aid on the open and gushing wound and never look to treat the real problem. That deep down he was nothing but a thug, a lowlife, a son of a bitch who  _enjoyed_  hurting people.

And she had had a lifetime of that already; he would not subject her to more.

Not at his hands.

"Alyx, I can't do this anymore," he whispered, not able to find his voice now that the time had come to cut the cord.

"Can't do what?" she asked, probably being intentionally obtuse, wanting to make him say the words instead of trying to ease the sting. Hell, Liz had been right, faster  _is_  better.

"Can't be with you," he said, voice not faltering on the words, which only proved to him that this decision had indeed been the correct one.

She blinked, clearly not willing to understand what he had just said aloud. Had roles been reversed he probably would have done the same. But he knew she would never do something like this, not with him. She had committed herself to this relationship wholeheartedly and that was part of the problem, she couldn't see that she had simply followed the same pattern and that the excuse, that it was the fault of the gland and not him was nothing more than that, an excuse, a justification to continue taking abuse she never deserved. His twisted and disturbed mind taking out the drug-enhanced aggression on the one person who warranted it the least, but whom was most likely to stand there, take it, and come back for more.

"Why not?" she finally asked. "What did I do this time?"

He rubbed the back of his head and sighed heavily. "Nothing other than care about me so damn much you put me before yourself far too often." He met her eyes, still appearing confused as to what he meant. "My turn to save you, I guess."

"Darien, I thought we'd settled the whole not good enough for me thing," she said in exasperation.

Yeah, he could understand where she might interpret his obviously poor attempt to do the right thing as that given their past problems, but she was so very wrong this time, blinded by her need of him she could not see his real intent. "I nearly killed you, Alyx, and you act as if it were nothing. Anyone else would run away screaming and be thankful they escaped in time, but you… you just keep coming back for more."

In an instant she was at his side, her hand warm against the chilled skin of his arm. "No, it's not nothing, but I also don't blame you." The earnest look on her face almost broke his resolve. "There were extenuating circumstances, ones you are unaware of."

He reached up to gently cup her broken face, wishing he could take the pain away, and more, wishing he could do this without adding yet more. Her heart remained far less resilient than her body, her psyche a fragile thing that relied on others to keep her whole in mind. This… what he must do, might very well shatter the hold she had on her sanity. At least he knew her brother would be there to help put the pieces back together.

"Doesn't matter. Not like it's the first time I've flown the red-eye and taken it out on you." He could feel she wanted to argue the point, but she held her tongue on what would have been a lie pure and simple. "I won't risk it. Don't want to be responsible for destroying the most important thing in my life."

"Darien, you won't. I told you there's no turning back for me. For better or worse," she stated, the words causing his gut to twist painfully given the start of this whole mess had been her saying 'no' to his marriage proposal. He understood why now, but that made the reference no less upsetting in this moment.

He kissed her gently, terrified of hurting her any more than he already had. "I know, but I don't want to become another Jess in your life and that's just what will happen if we keep going like this."

"Dare-"

He shook his head, cutting her words off cold. "No, I don't want to deal with the day you look at me and see  _him_."

She snorted, the sound anything but amused. "Too late on that score, bub." She turned her head to kiss the palm of his hand while he stood there in shock. "I got over it in case you were wondering."

Truthfully, he was wondering when exactly she had looked at him and seen her ex-husband, the bastard who had regularly abused her both mentally and physically until she had assumed the facade of a frail, submissive woman. "When?" he asked, not certain he wanted to hear the answer, but absolutely certain he needed to.

"The Novadyne mission, and the merc convention. And, yes, both times you were Quicksilvermad and targeting me." She reached up and cupped the hand still curved about her face. "And never since. You are not Jess and it's not in you to be."

He laughed harshly, pressing their hands against her cheekbone making her draw in a hissed breath at the pain it created, the virtual contact apparently feeling real enough for her to react, and hopefully proving his point. "You came within inches of having your neck snapped, and I damn well enjoyed every second of it. And it doesn't matter that I was mad, those feelings are in me, always have been, and I get an immeasurable amount of pleasure when I get the opportunity to let them run free. So don't tell me I'm nothing like him when deep down I  _know_   _I am_."

She stepped away from him, eyeing him warily. "You think I don't know that? That I didn't feel everything you did when you… when you…"

"When I was trying to kill you," he stated bluntly. "Let's not pretty it up, not now."

"Then let's fix this," she countered. "Unless you'd prefer the madman? Wouldn't take much, just let the Quicksilver flow and don't stop until Stage 5 is permanent. Less than a day and you'd be free of giving a flying fuck about anything you value." Her tone wavered between harsh and challenging, afraid if she pushed too hard he'd do it out of spite. Thing is he doubted she'd walk away even if he had turned himself into a sociopath, and therein lay the problem.

"And this is why I'm walking away. Not to hurt you, not because I hate you, but because I love you. And I'm smart enough to realize that until the gland situation is resolved we can't be together."

"And this will make you happy?" She sounded disbelieving of that ever being possible, after everything they'd been through.

He shook his head. "Hell no, but it will keep me from hurting you again."

She froze, her face a surprise mask of pain. "You think this won't hurt me?"

He went to her then. Placing his hands cautiously, one on a shoulder and the other on a hip, in an effort to avoid her obvious injuries, he rested his forehead against hers, her body quaking with barely restrained emotion. "No, I know it will, but I don't see another choice that won't hurt more."

"Darien, you swear this is about the gland and nothing else?"

"Yes. I swear it." He kissed her then, a real kiss, even if they both knew it was no more than a goodbye. "I want to be with you. Hell, I still want to marry you, but I won't put you through what your dick of a husband did, even if you are convinced it's not my fault."

Her good hand settled on his chest, directly over his heart, which pounded hard enough to be easily felt by her. She looked down at the faux sand that covered their feet, her body shaking in his gentle hold, both anger and resignation coming off her in waves that matched the timing of those crashing into the beach. "If the gland were removed or… or the toxin gone-"

"I would be knocking on your door first chance I got. Probably with a ring in my pocket," he told her, hoping to god she wouldn't freak at his threat of proposing to her again.

Her head snapped up, bright eyes meeting his in the moonlight. "You promise?"

A dangerous question for he knew she took promises  _very_  seriously, but this one he would live up to should a miracle solution to the gland ever come about. So he took her question just as seriously, took it as a promise from her that should he show up with a ring her answer would be different from the last time. "Yes, I promise."

"Good." She smiled up at him and then vanished.

The reality about him faded and he blinked owlishly about in his darkened apartment, still sitting in his bed, mere minutes having passed in the real world while he'd broken up with Alyx again. Tossing off the covers he rolled out of bed to get that drink, something at least eighty proof since there would be little chance of him sleeping anytime in the near future without it.

 


	7. let her go

"Fawkes, I've been looking all over for you."

Darien didn't really care, not that Bobby had been looking for him, not that there might be a case, not that he actually had a job and should probably be getting on with doing it. No, all he cared about about, and just barely at that, was avoiding Alyx who had arrived in the building just after ten a.m. and probably still had not left though several hours had passed. Darien could only be thankful Claire had let slip about the special debriefing that had been planned now that Alyx had finally been released from the hospital, which gave him enough time to hide in the very last place they'd expect. He knew better than to leave as that would only force the Official to hunt him down and drag him back, but staying the building, in one of the lesser used rooms would allow him to remain out of sight until the coast had been cleared.

Besides if his presence had been so fucking important she could have told them exactly where he was and sent someone to fetch him.

And since no one had, clearly he hadn't been needed. Big shocker there.

"Well, you found me," Darien informed his partner without bothering to look up at him. "Where's the fire?" Might as well pretend interest or Hobbes would just get all pissy.

Hobbes sighed softly. "What happened this time?" he asked, obviously sensing something had gone down between Darien and Alyx recently.

"Besides having a gland in my head that makes me go crazy and try to kill my girlfriend on a regular basis?" Darien lifted his head to meet his partner's concerned gaze. "I told her I wouldn't see her again till the gland was removed."

"Ah," Hobbes responded. "That explains a few things." He moved and sat down next to Darien on the padded floor, leaning back against the equally padded wall. "Good choice, this was literally the last place I expected to find you."

"I coulda left y'know."

"Nah. Kid said you were in the building, but wouldn't tell us where." Hobbes tapped his toes together. "The Official didn't push it."

"So why'd you come after me now?"

" 'Cause there's stuff you need to know and I volunteered to fill you in," Hobbes answered.

"What could I possibly need to know? You guys came in to rescue me and I beat the crap outta you." Darien turned his head slightly to look at his partner. "Thanks for that, by the way. Not my favorite vacay by any means."

"Well, you were a wee bit QSM by the time we got there, just like they wanted."

Darien sighed softly, resigning himself to being filled in on the details he'd avoided up until now. "By they I'm assuming you mean Mirage."

Hobbes nodded. "Changeling, actually."

"Huh. Fits them to a T," Darien observed drily. "Does that mean the good guys have made headway in tracking down the asshole running the show?"

Bobby snorted. "Thanks to their idiot move of grabbing you instead of just killing you, yeah. We got the database they had on site intact and it has tons of info we're gonna exploit."

"So, they do still want me dead." All the more reason to distance himself from Alyx. If he were not a factor then they couldn't use him against her. It wouldn't necessarily prevent them from trying to kill him, but it would have less of an impact on her. Oh, who was he trying to bullshit; she would still do everything in her power to protect him.

"A'course they do, you are still a royal a pain in the ass and if it hurts the kid it makes them happy apparently." Hobbes shifted slightly, unsure how to say whatever needed to come next.

"Spit it out, Bobby. I can't get much lower right now."

Hobbes grumbled for a moment then said, "Ever wonder why you're still alive?"

"Bait. Why else?" Obvious even to him. No other reason to keep him alive, even if he had spent most of his time unconscious.

"Well, yeah, but these guys never have just one motive, so why else?"

Hobbes was going to make him work for this, wanted him to give a damn about more than his broken heart and Darien couldn't blame him. He was a hot mess and would be until he'd adjusted to the new status quo. One that he didn't _want_  to adjust to, but he'd made this hellish bed he'd damn well lie in it. "To kill Alyx," he responded with.

"Try the other way around, my friend."

Wait. But that meant… "Alyx was supposed to kill me?" he whispered hoarsely. The scary thing was that it made perfect sense. It would destroy her on the inside, at the very least, to have to kill the person she cared most about in this world. "What? Was this some sort of twisted test for her?"

Hobbes nodded. "You hit the nail on the head. It was supposed to be her first mission for them in their evil little minds and they made sure to stack the deck in their favor."

"How?" Darien wondered aloud, still stunned that this mess had taken such a warped turn.

Hobbes managed a dry chuckle. "Do you really think we sat around with our thumbs up our asses for three weeks?"

Actually he hadn't thought about it at all, but now that he'd been forced to he had to admit it was odd. No way Alyx would have been anything but frantic once word had gotten out he'd gone missing. Not that he remembered much. He'd stopped for his usual cup of coffee, started his drive into work and then nothing. His car had been found undamaged with the keys still in the ignition the day after he'd vanished, parked out at the zoo of all places with no signs of a struggle or evidence to be found.

He had just vanished.

"So, what took so long?" Darien asked, his interest real this time. Maybe it was time to start paying attention to something outside of his personal life.

"That room they had you in was shielded somehow. Kid's people are still working on the hows of it. She knew you were alive, but could not  _see_  you. And they'd disabled your tracker. Last hit was by Cup o'Joe where the barista remembered seeing you, but not a sign of you after that." Hobbes sat up straighter, dragging his feet in to sit cross-legged; his full attention on his partner. "They spent that time making certain you'd go after us when we finally got there."

Darien closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, an odd headache building between his eyes. "You saying they programmed me or something?"

"No 'or something' about it. You run into any of their guys when you were wandering the halls?"

Darien nodded absently, the Madness fuzzed memories rolling through his mind. "A couple, why?"

"Did you go after them?"

Darien shook his head. "Nah, didn't want to blow my cover…" He trailed off as the words he'd overheard came rushing back. "'Our part is done.'," he muttered aloud. "'We need to make certain he'll do his.'"

Hobbes cocked an eyebrow.

"What the mooks said as I walked by. Shit, the whole thing had been a set up? All this just to bring her into the fold?" Darien felt righteous wrath surge to the fore, his head pounding even harder now that he knew the truth. "Will… will I still hurt her?"

Hobbes gave him a grim smile. "Nah. They're pretty certain you've fulfilled the programming, but…"

Oh god, what now? "Hobbes?"

"Mike wants to give you the once over. They found the program they used to screw with your head, he just wants to make certain there's nothing else buried in that cranium of yours. Like when the Keepy had her… sleeping probs."

"Not… not Alyx?" Even though he'd been the one to break it off, he still wanted to see her, to make certain she was okay and would continue to stay that way.

"She says Mike's better at this kinda thing and I ain't one to argue the point."

Not able to fight the sudden need, Darien asked, "How… How is she?"

"Banged up good, but up and moving under her own power. Keep's playing doctor with her right now, apparently the idiots at the hospital wanted to put pins in the kid's collarbone, which she refused to allow with violence. Claire's still listed as her doc and intervened on her behalf."

Darien felt the blood drain from his face at the mention of surgery and Hobbes noticed.

"Fawkes, it was  _not_  your fault. Why are you shaking your head?"

"They used me against her. Knew that once Quicksilvermad I'd go after her, they just made certain I'd go for the kill instead of some fun." He shook his head. "Christ, I broke her, literally."

Hobbes sat there silent for several long minutes, not instantly arguing the point as Darien had expected. When Hobbes finally spoke, his partner was forced to remember that he was a genius in his own way. "This why you split up with the… Alyx?"

"Yeah. Next time it might not just be surgery, but a funeral, and I… I couldn't live with myself if that happened." He cringed inwardly, waiting for the reprimand, to be told he was being a fool for pushing away someone he cared about over a maybe.

Instead, much to Darien's surprise, Bobby said, "In that case, I agree; you did the right thing."

Relief swept through him. Just having his decision, his heart-wrenchingly painful decision, be validated eased his bruised conscience somewhat. "Thanks, man."

"Hey, you may not deserve it often, but when you're right you're right." Hobbes stretched and stood, holding out a hand to Darien. "Now how about we stop these bastards so you and the kid have a chance at a happy ending?"

Darien smiled, shaking his head and allowed Bobby to pull him upright. They had work to do.

 


	8. unconditionally

The package sat on the dining table.

He hadn't been expecting anything, and most certainly hadn't left a key so that it could be brought into his apartment, which meant its presence was a bit of an enigma. And potentially dangerous, of course.

He'd been out of town for the last three days on a complicated undercover job that had ended successfully, but had left him bone weary and more disillusioned than usual. He eyed the box warily, debating calling the super to check if he had let the delivery person in, but a glance at his watch nixed that idea. Three in the morning, better to let the man sleep than have a leaky pipe go unfixed out of vengeance.

He gave the place a quick once over, finding nothing out of place other than his newest acquisition. He tossed his keys in the bowl, hung up his jacket, toed off his shoes, kicked them aside and made his way to the kitchen. He would need a beer or three in him before taking a look inside that box.

Halfway through his second he made his way back to the table, head cocked as he eyed the box. Nothing visible on the top or side he could see, no postage or courier tags anywhere in sight. He strolled about to see every blank side, only the bottom outside his range of sight. With a sigh of irritation he glanced at his wrist to see he had six green and decided to spare one on the off chance there might be something deadly within the cardboard and to keep from involving the Agency as of yet.

Reaching out he dangled his hand above the box, mere millimeters away and let the Quicksilver flow to drip off his fingers. Not as fast as physically touching the box, but safer. He may not have planned on being a spy, but he'd still learned more than a few things over the years thanks to his paranoid partner. Don't touch the strange box in case it may go boom but one of many lessons that had been worth remembering.

He stopped the flow as the box went transparent, revealing bubble wrap with something dark buried within and, on the top, above the air-filled plastic, a card.

Leaning over the invisible box he read the generic "Happy Birthday" with streamers and balloon sprinkled about. That was it. No obvious wires or cell phones, or bits of electronics up against the sides that could be used as a trigger. It appeared to be safe, though he'd prefer it if he could see what the bubble wrap contained. Gently setting his hand atop the Quicksilver he told it to flake away and a second later the table was covered in the government's most expensive glitter.

He pulled his knife out of his pocket, snapped it open and sliced the tape holding the box shut. Setting the knife aside for now, he dug inside and pulled out the card, still confused by the "Happy Birthday" given his still remained several months away. He flipped it open to discover it was just as generic as he had thought and had just one hand-written sentence within.  _When you leave, what will you do?_

He twitched. Recalling exactly when those words had been asked of him, and by whom. And, truth be told, he had never considered what might happen after… After the Agency. After the gland. Because he had become certain there was no out, not one that didn't involve his death in some dramatic fashion, be it a bullet or grand Quicksilver gland meltdown.

Yeah, he'd told Alyx he'd come knocking on her door should the gland be dealt with in some life-affirming manner, but who the hell had he been kidding? His only way out of this life sentence would be on a cold metal slab in some nondescript morgue. There would be no retiring with a half-assed pension for this invisible man.

At least, that's what he had always believed. No happy endings in this story. So why would Alyx send him a card with these words on it… with this  _challenge_  on it. And there was no way in hell anyone else knew about it. There had only been the two of them and a few bored seagulls. He'd told no one and was reasonably certain she hadn't either.

Feeling somewhat bemused he sliced his way through the bubble wrap to discover one very high-end laptop buried within. He pulled it out, followed by all the attendant bits and kibbles trying to figure out why someone would send him computer given his total lack of tech skills. And while he might be lacking in the geek department he knew enough to know that this computer was not available to the public at large and had been manufactured by a company owned by Alyx's brother Patrick.

Which meant Alyx had to be involved in this somehow and that made him pause in his tracks. He'd meant what he'd said, until the gland had been dealt with, which he expected to be never, he would stay away from her. So this… gift, whatever it may be, should be set aside and never looked at, and yet…

He finished his beer, grabbed another and drank half before coming to a decision. He carried all the bits to the living area and set them up. He sipped at the beer while he waited for the machine to boot up, the moon running through its phases the only sign the computer seemed to be working like it should. When it finally finished, dozens of files edged the entire screen, outlining the background image of hieroglyphic depictions of Anubis, the one in the upper right corner named "start here," so he did the sensible thing and double clicked it. Inside was a video file, which he also double-clicked assuming it would start up all on it's own.

It popped up, taking up most of the generous screen with a pretty brunette he'd never seen before.

" _Mr. Fawkes, my name is Kat and I'll be disseminating the information to you in the various videos. For now I'll give you a quick overview and then a rundown of the contents of the files so you can make the best choice for you."_ She smiled, eyes twinkling in the camera light. _"We've worked hard on this project as specified to give you a full range of choices depending on how you wish to proceed. Details will be provided in the other videos and you will be given a contact number to speak to me personally to ask any other questions and to make arrangements."_ She paused, head tipping slightly to one side as if unsure how to proceed. _"Your options are pretty straightforward: removal of the gland in its current state, removal of just the toxin producing cells, and, of course, removal of the gland at a later date should you choose the second option. We have also devised a toxin inhibiting agent that can be used long-term, should you not wish to risk a direct modification of the gland at this juncture. All options have been thoroughly and rigorously tested and deemed safe, which is why you are receiving this packet now."_ She looked straight into the camera and it felt like her eyes bored into his.  _"Any removal will require six to eight weeks including recovery time from the surgery. The removal of the toxin may take up to four weeks, depending on how you handle the withdrawal symptoms."_  She rubbed her hands together.  _"So, shall we get started?"_

 

~^~

 

"Bobby, I need some advice, but its gotta stay between you and me."

Hobbes raised one eyebrow to go along with the beer, after he swallowed he asked, "This why you had me meet you at this hellhole?"

Okay, so the place might not be the Cafe Bleu, but it wasn't that bad. Lots of mircobrews and his partner's favorites on tap. The clientele wasn't bikers or the like, but mostly hipsters and similar, which apparently Hobbes found distasteful, though Darien had no idea why. He had just wanted a place that bore no relation to either of their usual haunts in hopes of keeping this conversation private. "Robert Hobbes, stop being a snob, especially since I'm buying."

Bobby snorted and downed another swallow of the beer, which he appeared to be enjoying, his complaints about the atmosphere notwithstanding. "I am not a snob, just don't know the place is all."

Darien sighed softly. "That's kinda the point. I need to talk to my friend without the risk of someone overhearing."

Hobbes' eyes narrowed. "Fawkes, what did you do now?"

Darien shook his head. "Not me this time." He rubbed the back of his neck, not quite certain how to begin this conversation, not wanting to get his friend in trouble or feel caught in the middle, but he needed someone to talk to, to get an outside opinion on the situation and an idea of what to do next, since he clearly had no clue at all. "I don't want the Official… or anyone else at the Agency knowing about this just yet."

"What are you not saying here, Fawkes?"

"This is your out, Bobby. If you feel you can't keep it a secret till I'm ready to let the cat out of the bag, we'll just grab lunch and talk about the Padres and go back to work like always." He swirled his glass about on the tabletop before him, the condensation causing it to slide easily over the heavily waxed surface.

Hobbes just stared at him for a long moment before saying, "That big, huh?"

Darien nodded then signaled their server for another round, somehow he knew they were both going to need it. "Bigger."

Hobbes waited until the new beers were set on the table before responding. "Fawkes, I got your back. Whatever this is I'll keep it to myself until you tell me otherwise."

Darien felt some of the tension drain from his body at the response. He could only hope Bobby would keep his word once he heard what was going on. "What if I said there was a viable way to remove the gland… and that it didn't come from the Keeper?"

Hobbes grunted as if kicked. "I'd say you couldn't trust a thing Arnaud tells you."

Darien chuckled softly. "Good advice. But this didn't come from Arnie."

"Then who?" the question clearly a challenge.

Darien wasn't certain he should reveal who had truly produced this miracle, so did a fine job a prevaricating. "Let's just say it's someone I trust implicitly."

"Fawkes, who…" Bobby trailed off, one hand coming up to rub his face. "The kid, who else would it be."

Darien didn't say a word, not about to confirm anything at this point. He had no idea what the Official might do if he knew Alyx had made an end run around him and his plans. The Official wanted his invisible weapon, Alyx wanted Darien happy and the two, for the most part, were most certainly mutually exclusive. She had escaped the Agency and now she, to all appearances, had given Darien the same opportunity to do so.

"You won't see her till the gland is dealt with so she deals with it. Just like her. You gonna do it?" Hobbes asked without batting an eye.

Darien blinked, expecting an argument on why it would be a stupid idea to take such a risk. "I… I don't know yet. It's kinda why I wanted to talk to you."

Hobbes leaned back, scratching his ear as he eyed his partner. "You don't love her anymore?"

"What? No. I still want to be with her, I just…"

"Then what the hell is stopping you? You want to be with her, get it done and go find her," Bobby told him, making seem as if there should be nothing to think about. "She clearly still wants you even after all the shit you've pulled else she wouldn't have gone through all the trouble to get you the out  _you_  required."

Darien sighed, head dropping, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. "It's not that. I've got options and I'm not sure which one I should take."

"Options? Out is out, right?" Hobbes looked bemused and tried to cover it by drinking down a fair portion of the beer.

Darien nodded. "Yeah, out is option number one. Number two is using a toxin inhibitor. I'd still risk going Mad, but it could take months to build up enough for that to happen. I wouldn't get any additional see-through time, but I wouldn't need as much Counteragent either."

Hobbes nodded sagely. "Keep's been working on something like that, but it's still in the early testing stages."

Darien had known about that, bugged her for updates every now and then only to be told over and over again that 'it is a work in progress' and not much else. "The Official likes his leash, especially after losing Alyx."

"True 'nuff. What's option number three?"

"Have the toxin cells removed and keep the gland, which could be removed at a later date."

"Which would leave you able to keep working… for the government or… privately."

"Hobbes, I'm not likely to go back to being a thief." True enough. His perspective had changed too much for thieving to ever be a comfortable fit again.

"I know that, Fawkes. But with the Q-gland and no leash you could have your choice of jobs in any Agency in any country. Hell, private security agencies would pay top dollar for your services. You could literally write your own ticket."

"But I'd have to play by their rules. I'm not a killer, Bobby, and have no interest in becoming one. The Official gets that, even if he don't really like it. And… and if I leave the loving bosom of the Agency I also lose the protection. It ain't much, but it has kept me alive so far." Yeah, he'd been thinking long and hard about this, weighing all the pros and cons he could think of, some ridiculous even to his mind, but no matter how many items made the con list, the top one on the pro still pulled at him: being with Alyx. Which is why he needed to talk this out. Following his heart was one thing, following it only to be killed shortly thereafter was another entirely. He wanted to be rational about this.

"So, go work for the kid," Hobbes suggested as if should have been obvious. "You'd fit in perfectly with that team she has chasing down Changeling." Hobbes laughed at the stunned expression on his friend's face. "C'mon, Fawkes, did you really think there wouldn't be an offer included? Kid likes working with you and you make one hell of a team."

"So do we," Darien pointed out. Number one on the con list was losing Bobby and Claire and all of those at the Agency he'd come to care about. Hell, the Official was the closest thing to a father he had in some ways, and the man knew more about his family than even Darien, and that remained a connection he feared to lose.

"Fawkes, the Agency is my last stop on this train, you have the chance to go to the end of the line. Don't let me be the one to hold you back," Hobbes stated bluntly, making it clear he'd take no argument on the matter.

"Doesn't matter, you're my partner and I want it to stay that way."

"Faw… Darien, we're also friends and you moving on ain't gonna change that," the assurance sounded sincere, but Darien had a hard time believing it. They'd been forced together and managed to find a common ground in the chaos. They'd survived because of each other, but once gone their separate ways would Hobbes even care anymore? "You love her. Don't let one old man hold you back from finding your future. You've known she was the one since the first day you met, how could you not take this chance to be with her?"

"Bobby, I…"

Hobbes shook his head. "This is your friend talking; do it, get out, go to her and beg her forgiveness and hope like hell she'll take you back."

"What do I have to offer her?" Darien questioned aloud, not for the first time wondering why she had chosen him out of all the men in the world.

Hobbes snorted. "The only thing she has ever cared about: Darien Fawkes."

Darien sat there in disbelief.

"Fawkes, there is nothing she wouldn't do for you. You. Not the gland, not the thief, not the con man, and not the invisible man. Just you. And if this doesn't prove it, nothing will. She walked away when you told her to. Came back when you asked her to. Created the inhibitor for you. Hell, she gave up the chance to go back to her kids for you." Hobbes may never have really approved of the relationship, but he'd been paying attention to all the details that had clearly gone flying over Darien's head. "I know she has a hard time saying  _how_  she feels, but she shows it in everythingshe  _does_."

Somehow Hobbes had seen what Darien had failed to. Viscerally he knew Alyx cared about him, loved him even, but since she had never said it, he'd always had his doubts. He'd just been too stupid to realize that she showed her love in deeds instead of words. Until he had walked away from them she had spent every spare moment on trying to save his sorry ass, to give him every chance to live the life he wanted; away from the Agency and without the gland. She'd had her mind splinter into pieces and still had done everything in her power to get him the answers he needed, heedless of the consequences.

"Bobby, I love you like a brother, but I need to be with her."

Hobbes laughed softly. "Just invite me to the wedding, okay?"

"Done. Now the hard part."

"And that would be?"

"Telling the boss."

 


	9. clarity

"Sir, you can't go in there." The chick from the desk he had walked blithely past still trailed behind him, sometimes close enough to grab at his jacket and tug futilely in a vain attempt to stop him. Not a chance, once she'd told him where the meeting had been taking place, he'd made a beeline for it. He'd been trying for days to track Alyx down and had ended up calling in a favor from Bobby, who had produced a miracle and confirmed she was not only in DC, but had a meeting scheduled for today. After that it had been up to him to get in the door.

He had that covered, and had the visitor's badge clipped to his collar for all to see.

"Agent Fawkes, please," the woman pleaded. Those they passed didn't appear to be overly concerned and seemed content to go about their day with only a glance or two in his direction. He found the conference room and, without bothering to knock, pulled the door open. All eyes inside swung to him.

"You could have just told me, you know," he said as the chair Alyx sat in spun around.

"Agent Silver, I am so sorry, he refused to wait until your meeting had finished."

"It's all right, Melina. We'll deal with this," Alyx said, her eyes not leaving Darien's.

He leaned against the doorframe, just watching her, waiting for her to make the next move. She, however did nothing, instead Mike spoke up, "Clear the room. We'll try again 0900 tomorrow."

The dozen or so who'd been seated about the table closed their laptops and files, gathered their belongings and left without a word. Mike flipped the lights back on and turned off the computer projecting data up on the screen. He looked irritated as all get out, though Darien wasn't sure if it was because of the interrupted meeting or his presence. Only one way to find out.

"So, any chance you have an opening for a uniquely skilled spy?"

Mike growled loud enough to be heard across the room. "Why would we offer you a job?" He shook his head. "Go back to your Agency where you belong."

"Can't. I quit." He broke eye contact with Alyx to look at Mike. "I've made my choice."

"And you think that makes a difference now?" Mike snapped. "You've done enough damage."

Darien ran a hand through his hair. He had hoped have this discussion alone with Alyx, but couldn't fault Mike in his need to protect her, after all Darien had made every effort to do as much damage as possible, coming to his senses over a year ago, and then spent a fair portion of that year just fucking things up even more. Apologies would be a useless gesture; he needed to prove to her he meant every word he said.

He'd had his moment of clarity when talking to Hobbes, and after that, the decision had been an easy one. Darien would make his life with her, spend all of it correcting the mistakes he had made and being the person she saw with those glorious eyes of hers.

"Not arguing the point, but she did kinda send me the invite to this party," Darien pointed out, though based on the look on Mike's face he had no idea what she'd been up to.

Mike's hands balled into fists for a long moment, his entire demeanor suggesting that if there hadn't been a good eight feet separating them he'd have thrown a punch without hesitation. "You have no idea what you have done to her over the last year, how badly you've fucked her up. She's just begun to recover after your last asinine move and you choose to show up now? If you cared about her at all you would have just stayed away and let her live her life."

Darien had actually considered that, staying away, giving her a chance to not be burdened with him, to not have to deal with his constant stupidity and self-doubt. But he had made a promise and intended to keep it. "Don't you think she should be the one to decide?"

Mike snorted. "Like any of her decisions where you are concerned have been wise." He rubbed his face with one hand; the glare aimed at Darien a deadly one. "You are the worst thing that ever happened to her and she's too blind to see it."

Mike was wrong on that score, Jessup had been the worst thing to happen to her no matter that he had given her four amazing children. The pain she had suffered, the loss of her sense of self, her inability to trust for long months, had been that bastards fault and not Darien's. "You're wrong. I saved her. I showed her she could care again."

"And then you threw it back in her face," Mike snarled. "You ripped her apart because she said  _no_  and you were too self-absorbed to consider she might have her reasons for not wanting to marry you."

"And I apologized. It was her choice to take me back." And he still thanked god every day that she had even though they hadn't spoken in six months at this point.

"And that worked out just so well," Mike sneered. "What reason could you possibly have for coming here? More false promises and mental torture? That is what you're best at, right? Suck her back in for a few more weeks or months and then shove her away again when you get bored?" His fist slammed into the heavy conference table hard enough to rock it. Maybe more than just physical contact behind the movement, though Darien had no recollection of Mike being a telekinetic.

"Bored? I've never been bored with her." Darien broke eye contact with her brother to look at the floor between his feet, shaking his head. "Most of the time I have no idea why she chose me. Aside from being stuck together, that is." He lifted his head to meet her heavy gaze, the look on her face a complete blank, emotions carefully guarded within. "I know she cares about me beyond all reason, which, even I have to admit, is more than a touch insane, but…" He rubbed the back of his head, hoping to say this right the first time. "I was broken when we met, hell, I'd been broken for a long time and never even realized it. You'd been ripped from your life. Our meeting… our entire relationship could have been a tragedy written by Shakespeare himself, but without you… I'd still be broken. You were my remedy and I had no way of knowing that until you came into my life… the second time."

He reached into his pocket, fumbling past the keys and coins and scraps of paper to pull out a ring. One he'd put a tremendous amount of thought into before purchasing. Not a single diamond anywhere on it. A simple platinum band with two hands clasping a heart that wore a crown. The heart was made up of two stones, one ruby and one emerald. It was  _not_  an engagement ring, not in the traditional sense anyway.

He held it up, somewhat disappointed at the lack of reaction he saw on her face. "I want to be your partner. In work and play. To become part of your family. I… You make me a better person and… and I think I do the same for you."

Alyx didn't even blink. Mike, however, swore.

Loudly.

"Fuck. There goes a hundred dollars." He sighed heavily, the anger and irritation gone. "If it wasn't for the fact that I know you haven't been in his head since he told you to stay away I'd swear you cheated."

"Uh, what?" Darien asked in utter confusion. "Wait? You two bet on me showing up with a ring and  _not_  proposing?"

Mike nodded. "I expected the ring, didn't figure you'd learned your lesson on the marriage subject. That one's going to be touchy for a while yet."

Darien felt the sudden need to sit down. "I've been played?" He sure as hell hoped not, 'cause that would make his sacrifice a pointless one. He'd walked away from his best friend, which had been damn hard to do, for a chance to have a better life and then… this.

"No. Or not like you're thinking. She knew you would come once you'd settled things in San Diego." Mike explained, which didn't really ease Darien's confusion all that much.

"Alyx?"

She got to her feet and walked over to him. She still hadn't said a word since assuring the desk chick that they would handle things. Once before him and looking up to meet his eyes she shrugged. "You promised."

"Yeah, I did," he agreed, "but how did you know I'd keep it."

"Because I kept mine and stayed away. Completely."

And she had, he had to admit that. Even on those few occasions he'd broken down, his need for her overriding his every effort to stay away to save her she had not responded. He lived in the back of her head and she'd found the strength to ignore him, to block him from her mind because he had asked her to.

Damn, was there nothing she wouldn't do for him?

No, there wasn't and he'd only recently come to realize this. An entire lab created just to save him from a life he thought he hated. To get the gland out of his skull and free him from his bondage to the Agency.

He lifted the ring up, rotating it slightly between his fingers. "So, partners?"

"For as long as you want me," she answered.

He grasped her right hand, those emotions she'd been so carefully hoarding within suddenly bursting across his senses and making his knees weak with the power of them. He somehow kept steady, letting it all roll across him as he slipped the ring into place. He'd done his homework. Right hand, heart in to signify being taken, left for engagement or marriage. "You let me know if you ever want this on the other hand, but I don't need it." He leaned down to kiss her gently. "You  _want_  to be with me and  _that_  is what is important."

"Least he's capable of learning," Mike muttered, mostly to remind them he was still in the room Darien suspected.

"Now  _that_  is a bold assumption," Darien stated, as he met the man's eyes. He was smiling, which had to be a good sign. "The 'Fish is gonna be pissed. He swore he was gonna get me blackballed so I'd be forced to crawl back to him."

Alyx laughed softly, while Mike quirked an eyebrow.

"Still trying to manipulate the universe to play the game his way?" Alyx asked rhetorically.

"Always," Darien agreed. "You should have heard the threats he made against you, said he was gonna have you back under his thumb soon, but I figured you could defend yourself against him considering you already got out."

She stepped away and settled back in her chair still laughing.

Darien looked at Mike. "Do I want to know why she's in a giggle fit over this? Especially since I really don't think the Official was kidding. The Agency might be a pit, but he does have some power."

Mike looked to Alyx first. "He must have heard rumors and got them wrong." He settled on the edge of the table next to his sister. "This is going to be interesting."

Darien could tell something was going on, but clearly did not have all the pieces to put it together. "Is… is the Agency moving in on your task force or something?"

"Or something would be accurate," Alyx answered, one hand rubbing her face.

"Darien, the Official can be as pissed and threatening as he wants, but from here on out he'll be answering to  _her_." Mike waved at Alyx who simply looked up at Darien with a smug smile on her face. "That's what this meeting was about. Settling the final details on altering the task force to actual agency status."

"Uh... I think I need to sit down," Darien mumbled, then fumbled for the nearest chair. He took a couple of minutes to process what he'd just heard before speaking again. "So let me see if I've got this straight, your task force needs to expand and you're doing so by taking over the crappiest agency the US government has? Are you nuts?"

"No, she's not," Mike assured him even though Darien didn't buy it for a hot second.

"D, this mess goes far deeper than anyone thought possible and some of the connections lead back to… to other forces that still remain undiscovered by most."

It took Darien a second to process what she was trying to say without saying. He focused on that connection between them hoping he hadn't forgotten how to perform this little trick. * _Are you talking Chrysalis?_ *

She nodded. "It's all tied together, and it's going to take some serious power to untangle the knots. The Agency has the intel, we have the funding, and, after the meeting tomorrow, we'll have a mandate to do what is necessary to take all of it down."

Darien sighed heavily. "So I'll be working for the 'Fish anyway. Officialed yet again."

Alyx leaned forward to set a hand on his arm. "No, you'll be working  _with_  him." She glanced over at her brother who shrugged. "Yes, I might assign you to the left coast for a time, but more because you know the area best. Our work is international - no choice there given how far this poison has spread - so you won't be spending all your time there. I'll probably have the Official and Drake run the office there, but all major assignments will go through me."

Darien felt about as stunned as he could be. Had this been her plan all along? Gain her own agency designed around her abilities and personal goals? Quite possible he had to admit. She could play the long game as well as anyone, including the Official. But could she really have pushed this through on her own. He had thought she'd been hired to this particular task force. Could things have changed that much over the last few months they'd been out of contact? Comments she had made here and there flitted through his mind; non-answers to straight questions that might suggest this job offer she had taken had been anything but. "You've been in charge from the get-go haven't you?"

"Damn. There goes another hundred," Mike grouched. "He's a fucking natural at this. No wonder you wanted him in."

Alyx laughed. "I tried to warn you it was a suckers bet, but you refused to listen. It's a perspective difference is all, and he definitely has the brains."

Darien felt like he had a bad case of whiplash. She had been in charge all along, calling all the shots, making all the decisions and patiently making all her moves behind the scenes to acquire all the pieces she needed or wanted to complete the job. A job he ultimately suspected had nothing to do with the spy biz. "How long have you been planning all this?"

"Seriously planning?" she asked, and he nodded. "Since a month after you walked out."

Okay, he couldn't really blame her for that given his over the top level of dickheadedness at the time. "And less seriously?"

"Since hooking up with Duke."

Darien shook his head, amazed but not overly surprised. Duke had offered her a job back then, and she hadn't taken it, but it had clearly given her ideas on how she wanted to continue her life as a spy. "You don't think small, do you?"

She simply quirked an eyebrow, while Mike snorted in clear amusement.

"She does have the occasional overcompensation issue," her brother stated, causing her to smack him on the arm hard enough to make him wince in pain and rub the spot. "Since she found out the truth about her marriage this has been her goal."

Darien shook his head. "No, she wants to take them down. Much like the 'Fish wants to do with Chrysalis." It just made sense. While she had learned to live with her abilities, she wanted no one else to have to suffer as she had. Though even she would admit the theory that had led to her gifts had the potential to do good, if used responsibly, they also held the potential for great abuse, much as the QS Project. She wanted to control the potential of the QSX Project just as the Official wanted to control the Quicksilver. He tapped a finger on the table. "You think they're working together?"

Mike grinned. "We think a whole lot of things that you don't need to worry about right now."

Darien turned back to Alyx, the seriousness he felt surely easily seen on his features. This was a big deal, a life-changing deal, and a lot more than he'd been expecting when he'd barged in here. "Will this get you back with your kids sooner rather than later, and by that I mean before Dani is an adult?"

Alyx nodded. "That's the plan."

"Then I'm in," he said, meaning it. And he did. She needed her family, all of them, and if he could help facilitate that he would, in a heartbeat. "Where do I start?"

Mike snorted. "Tomorrow. Get out of here, I'll handle the rescheduling." He looked from one to the other. "You two need some alone time."

"Mike-"

He shook his head. "You might think you can focus now, but with the vibes my sis is giving off she's going to last all of thirty minutes then be useless. So, go. There is nothing happening today that can't wait."

Darien nodded, got to his feet and held out his hand to Alyx.

She sat there for a long moment, indecision about them coming through loud and clear though nothing showed on her face. He went with honesty. "I can't promise everything will be perfect from here on out, but I promise to try."

"I can't ask for more," she said softly as she took his hand and slowly stood up.

"Just don't be late for the meeting. Plan A is officially on the table."

Darien chuckled. "And what if I hadn't shown up?"

Mike shrugged. "Absorbed with the Agency."

"And if I'd had the gl- my better half removed?"

Alyx squeezed his hand. "Planned for. This is me, remember?"

He kissed her. "Always. Dinner?"

She laughed. "It's not even noon."

"Yeah, well, you are going to be otherwise occupied for the next several hours. Dinner will be late." He cupped her cheek with his free hand, watched as her eyes slid shut as she leaned against his palm. "I know it's been a long road to get here, but I want to keep travelling it together."

Mike sighed heavily. "Get out before she starts broadcasting to the entire metro area."

Alyx ducked her head before turning to shoot a glare at her brother. "Fine, we're out of here. Make certain the lid stays on till tomorrow."

"I will," he shooed them out of the room, "now scoot."

They made it to his rental car before she gave in and that wall she'd tried to keep up collapsed. That spot in the back of his head that connected him to her had woken up when she'd taken his hand back in the conference room, but there hadn't been much to feel since. He hadn't realized she'd been carefully controlling her emotions, though he understood why the moment that levee burst.

He came up for air some time later, his hands buried in her hair, hers under his shirt, the skin on skin contact just as electrifying as he remembered. This had been hard on her, staying away, but the results… worth every lonely night.

"Never again. I'm not leaving you… us ever again," he told her, voice tight and hoarse with all the tangled emotions both of them felt.

She gazed up at him, eyes bright and simply said, "I know."

 

 

 

 

_finis_


End file.
